Some Rain, Some Shine
by xmillyxtreex
Summary: Frostiron College AU. Loki and Tony are entering their second year in college and after becoming close friends freshman year, they decide to live together. Warnings: physical violence, non-con (a few later chapters), self-harm (later chapters)
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The few remaining weeks before returning to campus could not pass quickly enough for Loki Odinson. At first, the summer vacation was a much needed break from the stress of taking 18 credit hours and keeping an almost full-time job waiting tables. After the first month, however, the break from classes lost its appeal and Loki wished for nothing more than to return to the college dorms where he made some close friends and lasting memories.

It wasn't that the summer was all bad for the younger Odinson brother; he spoke with his friends on a frequent basis, kept up with his restaurant job, and spent his free time reading and teaching himself piano. He helped his mother, Frigga, with her gardening and threw a football around the yard with his brother, Thor. No, it wasn't bad, but the constant disapproval from his father, Odin (yes, Odin Odinson, his parents must've wanted him to be picked on as a child), was enough to weigh heavily on his mind most of the time.

The object of Odin's displeasure with his youngest son was Loki's relationship. His past relationship, that is. Within the first month of his senior year in high school, Loki came out to his friends and family when he started dating Clint Barton, center snare of the drum line in the school's marching band. Later, he would admit that it was Clint's muscular drummer arms that first caught his attention, but as the two started talking during their study hall he noticed Clint's witty sarcasm. The more he learned of Clint's unique interests (bird watching, archery, and playing drum set for a ska-punk band for example), the more he felt himself falling for the other man.

At first, Odin was happy to hear that Loki, in a relationship again, seemed to have finally broken out of the funk his first girlfriend left him in. But, when Loki invited Clint over for dinner and to meet his family for the first time, the happy feeling Odin felt quickly vanished. Nobody had been expecting it. Loki didn't talk to his family much about his newfound relationship, but they had all been thinking it was at least with a girl. Frigga smiled, Thor looked confused, and Odin… the color fled from his face and he didn't speak a word through the entire evening.

This didn't change much through the beginning of Loki and Clint's relationship; Frigga always welcomed Clint with open arms and a smile, and Thor never knew what to say and always averted his gaze when the couple was doing even as little as holding hands. Odin pretended nothing was happening. He ignored the pair whenever Clint was around, and when he saw Loki without his boyfriend, he didn't know what to say, so he usually didn't say anything at all.

Around the beginning of winter, Odin decided he couldn't sit around and let his son be corrupted anymore and kept dropping hints about how Loki should start speaking to a psychiatrist or a pastor about his "condition." Loki, of course, wasn't having anything to do with that. There was nothing wrong with him and he could date whoever he damn well pleased. That was as far as Odin took it until Loki's first year in college. Clint was attending the same university as Loki (and Thor too for that matter), about half an hour away from their hometown.

Clint ended up meeting a girl who played trumpet in the marching band with him, Natasha Romanoff. They hit it off immediately and became close friends before Clint realized it wasn't only friendship he wanted with her. That conversation had been painful to both of the young men, but they parted as friends and have been ever since.

Once Odin heard about Loki's failed relationship, he took it as his duty to redouble his efforts in making his son straight. If Clint saw the error of his ways, there was no reason his son couldn't do the same. With this mindset, he recruited Thor's help in trying to set Loki up with various girls ranging from friends of Thor's girlfriend, Jane, to Thor's cheerleading friends. When this failed to work, Odin decided to pay Loki a visit to convince him to see a shrink at least. Loki's roommate was in class when Odin arrived at his dorm, and nobody paid any mind to the arguing that took place behind the closed door. Nobody questioned the purple, finger shaped bruises on Loki's wrists during the following week, or the way Loki seemed more on-edge than anyone (besides Thor) on campus had seen him before. Nobody except for Tony Stark, that is, and even then Loki avoided the topic whenever Tony tried to bring it up.

Tony and Loki met on a Monday, during their very first class of fall semester freshman year. Loki took Intro to Modern Astronomy because he'd always been interested in stars and what else was beyond Earth's atmosphere. Tony took it because he hoped he could take a girl out to look at stars and she'd think it romantic and one thing would lead to another and he'd end up getting lucky. Class had already started when Tony sauntered in and his eyes immediately fell on a figure near the door with beautiful shoulder length black hair. A pale arm was draped on the chair's arm rest and Tony noticed that it was slender, the muscle had nice definition to it, and though he couldn't see a face, he figured that since he was already 2 minutes late he could deal with this girl for a 50 minute class period even if she was a butterface.

"Hey sweet thing, what's a beautiful girl like you doing sitting on your own. Tell you what- let me keep you company now and you can keep me company later over drinks, what do you say," he drawled with a smirk on his face. This smirk was wiped off his face when Loki whipped his head around and glared, hissing "ex-_cuse _ me…?" Tony gaped like a fish.

"But… the hair… I thought… ohmygodi'msosorry," he mumbled awkwardly, cheeks slightly red, but rooted to the spot.

"Young man... Class began at 9:30. It is now… 9:37. Sit down, shut up, and we'll get on with the syllabus, shall we?" It took Tony only a second to realize the teacher was talking to him. He flashed a grin and offered an enthusiastic salute before looking back at Loki, who nodded and gestured to the seat next to him. Tony sat and looked at the young man next to him through his peripherals. When he opened his mouth again, it took Loki completely by surprise.

"For the record… you're still pretty hot… for a guy anyway…" There was silence for a moment or two where Loki looked into his lap for a moment, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Then Loki turned to him, looked him right in the eye, flashed a crooked grin and replied:

"Well thanks; I wish I could say the same about you. There aren't a whole lot of men like me." A quick wink after this statement threw Tony off but he recovered quickly and grinned back and they both knew this was the start to an amazing friendship.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It was 8:48AM when Tony Stark was woken up by his Black Sabbath ringtone. His head was pounding and his mouth was dry from the hangover he was dealing with. _Who in the hell is even up this early,_ he thought when his brain registered the time shown on his phone. Of course, it was none other than Loki Odinson, presumably just back from a morning run by his heavy breathing.

"Hey, Stark?"

"Loki…? The hell is wrong with you? Do you realize it's like… before 9 on a Sunday morning? Why are you even up?"

"Sorry… did I wake you up? I just got back from a run… I didn't even think about you being still in bed…" _Of course…_, Tony grumbled internally.

"Well, Loki, what's up? Is it important because you kinda woke me up and I'm not exactly sober at the time, so… if this can wait until I can function properly, that'd be great…" Tony tried not to sound too cross with his future roommate, but he knew he was failing at that. Miserably. He also knew that Loki would understand.

"Yeah, sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I found a futon for our room and since you already have a microwave, we just need a fridge…"

"Oh… 'kay. I think I might be able to get my hands on one of those. I'm going to go back to sleep now though. Like a normal person. So, I'll call you back when my head doesn't feel like it's being pulverized okay?"

"Yes, of course, that's fine. I'll talk to you later I guess then…"

"Ok, sounds good Loki…"

"Oh and…. Tony?" Loki's voice came out hesitant, although Tony figured that was probably just a figment of his hangover-induced headache.

"Hmmm?"

"I… I miss you." Loki's voice was almost a whisper at this point and Tony didn't catch what he said.

"Mkay, Loki, goodnight," and with that Tony hung up, rolled over in his sheets, and fell asleep.

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Loki looked at his phone after Tony hung up for a few moments before tossing it on his bed across the room. He did feel bad for waking his friend up, but he'd really been hoping to get more of a conversation out of him. He wasn't surprised though, he knew that Tony wasn't built to wake up before 11AM on a weekend. Running his hands through his hair, he gingerly lowered himself onto his desk chair and exhaled heavily when he felt a dull pain coursing through his lower back and hip.

Without having to look at the skin beneath his shirt, he knew that it was a violent combination of red and purple. Various other bruises were dotted on his legs and arms, but these ones were smaller and he didn't notice them with his attention focused on the painful one on the left side of his back. Although he wouldn't have told Tony, this was the real reason Loki wanted to talk with his friend… _needed_ something to get his mind off of the previous night.

_Loki was outside with Clint and the two of them were carrying a dark green futon from the back of Clint's truck to the Odinson's garage. The crunching of stones informed the young men that Odin's black Porsche rolled up the driveway, bringing the man and Frigga back from the symphony. Clint immediately started frowning. He knew that he was still not looked upon kindly by Odin for supposedly "corrupting" his younger son. They hurriedly got the futon settled in the garage and said their goodbyes while Loki's parents went inside. _

_Loki closed the garage door and made it halfway through the garage to the house when Odin slipped out the door. His eyes narrowed and Loki would not meet his gaze. _

_"What did I tell you?" Odin hissed through clenched teeth. _

_"We weren't doing anything; he was just helping me with the futon. Besides… if you recall, he's dating Natasha now." Loki replied coolly, an almost-smirk playing on his lips. A sharp crack rang through the room and the pain took Loki completely by surprise as Odin dealt him a swift backhand to the face. He saw stars for a second and could feel blood trickle from his parted lips._

_"You _dare_ talk back to me? I've had enough of your insolence, Loki. While you reside under my roof, you _will _abide by my rules, and under no circumstance is that foul boy allowed on my property." Odin spat at his son. _

_"Luckily, not for very much longer…" Loki half whispered. Unable to bite his tongue, the words spilled from his lips before he'd even realized what he was saying. Two hands suddenly bunched the collar of his shirt and threw him forcefully against the wall. His back and hip collided with a heavy shelving unit, bringing it and its contents down with him. Containers and tools rained upon his head and he raised his arms to protect himself. _

_Pain exploded in his side and wherever falling debris made contact with his body and Loki curled in on himself in an attempt to lessen the pain. He didn't have to look up to know that Odin had already left, the retreating footsteps and slamming door all without saying a word almost hurt Loki more than the physical pain. Almost being the key word. He knew that his father previously had few positive feelings towards him but this… this was crossing into new territory. Even the time his wrists were bruised by the older man's fingers wasn't this bad, and he'd even gotten an apology from Odin then. That was him grabbing Loki too hard on accident. This… this was something different all together and Loki didn't know what to do. _

_He sat on the floor of the garage for a long time; the sound of his breathing was the only thing keeping him company. It was only after he was sure the rest of his family was in bed that he gained the will to move from his spot. His muscles ached and he could feel the dull pain of multiple scattered bruises begin to set in. Jiggling the doorknob, he discovered it was locked. Eyebrows furrowed, he dug the spare key out from an otherwise empty coffee can that had fallen on him and opened the door to the cold, dark house. _

_Loki tiptoed to the bathroom to clean up. His face was pale, as usual, except for a couple of forming bruises and a raised line of skin across his cheek that was dotted with blood; a scrape from something that probably fell off the shelf. Dried blood was on his lips and streaked down his chin and his eyes were brimming with unshed tears. Shoulder-length black hair was disheveled but he paid it no mind while he ran the water and carefully washed away the blood on his face. Unfortunately the bruises would take more time to heal, an ugly reminder of his father's unexpected rage. _

_Returning to his room, the first thing he saw was the screensaver on his open laptop. It was a slideshow of pictures from his freshman year of college and the one he walked in on happened to be of him and his future roommate. Tony Stark. It was a picture Natasha had taken of them. Loki was talking to the other, a smile on his face and his hands animated in the effort of storytelling. Tony's head was thrown back in a laugh that showed most of his teeth and crinkled his nose. _

_The photo gave Loki a strange, new feeling in his chest and for the first time ever, he considered telling someone about the situation with his father. That feeling was short-lived, although he still desperately wanted someone to keep his mind off what had happened. Realizing it was after 3:00AM, he decided to try to sleep and call Stark in the morning. Left alone with his thoughts and nobody to distract him from them, he was kept up tossing and turning all night. It was four long hours later when he decided to forget trying to sleep and go for a run, just to get out of the house. He changed quickly, slipped out of the house quietly, and when he ran, he finally let himself go to the world of music and the road. _


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

When Tony tried calling Loki back around 3:00 that afternoon he got no response. On the other line, Loki stared at the screen of his phone and listened to the tone announcing Tony's call. He let it go to voicemail, but unsurprisingly Tony didn't leave one. He was exhausted and sore and just wanted to sleep, so he did.

When he awoke the following afternoon it was to multiple missed calls and text messages from Tony. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes as he read them and only responded to the last one (_Hey I got some music you might like, let me know when you get up so I can send it to you via Skype…_) with- _Sorry, I was exhausted and slept all day yesterday. I'm getting on now._

Loki logged onto his Skype account and saw the file Tony tried sending him. He clicked to start downloading it and while it was processing, he started typing a reply message. About halfway through typing, he was startled when his screen lit up with an incoming video call from the other man. Staring at it for a second, he let it ring until the "missed call" window popped up.

_Hey, what gives, way to ignore my call, Loki… hahaha!_

He froze. Tony wanted to _see_ him? That could create all kinds of problems.

_Sorry, Stark. I just woke up and look kind of disgusting at the moment…_

_Oh Loki… I'd bet money that I've seen you looking worse before. Now you'd better answer this one or I'll get Thor in there to make you!_

"Shit…" Loki whispered as Tony's second incoming call popped up on the screen. He accepted it (knowing if he didn't Tony would make good on his threat) and sighed as the picture came into focus.

"Hahaha, Loki, that's more like it! How are you? Why are you so far away? Come closer, I can hardly even see you!" Tony's laugh was infectious and Loki gave a quiet chuckle before he realized that Tony wanted him to come closer. He hesitated for a second before inching closer to his laptop and sitting in the chair in front of it, hoping all the while that the bruises and scrapes littering his face would go unnoticed by his friend.

"I'm doing well… just woke up, obvi—," he managed to get out before he was cut off

"What the hell?" Tony spoke in a raised voice.

"What?" Loki's hand flinched towards his cheek before he could stop it and when he realized what he did, he immediately lowered it and his gaze to the desk.

"Um… _obviously_, what the hell_ happened_ to you? Get a little mouthy with your old man?" He tried to joke but when Loki remained silent and seemed to refuse to look at him, his eyes grew wide and he gasped in disbelief.

"No… Odin has temper issues, we all know that, but he… he wouldn't actually hurt you… would he?"

"No of course not, Stark," Loki almost growled at him. "Don't be ridiculous. I fell… in the garage, knocked over a shelving unit." No, he was not ready to tell anybody about this. Even though he hoped Tony would believe him, the small amount of doubt he had in the pit of his stomach at Tony's question was enough for him to keep his mouth shut. He wasn't about to burden his friend with this business. The expression on Tony's face immediately lightened.

"Haha! Of course, Loki, I don't really think your father would do something like that! No need to get so defensive!"

The remainder of their conversation was strained. _He's right_, Loki thought. Odin wouldn't have hurt him unless he was given a reason to, and obviously Loki had given him a reason. Running his mouth had been his own fault and so he deserved every ounce of pain he felt.

Tony could tell something was wrong. If it was anybody else, they might have missed it because Loki was good at putting up a front. Hiding his emotions so that others didn't see a need to worry was a specialty of his. Tony had been close enough to him for long enough that he knew where to look, and he found his answer in the way Loki's eyes seemed distant and sad, even when the rest of him looked fine.

They said their goodbyes and Loki slammed his laptop closed and threw himself on his bed, hands clutching at his long hair in frustration. There was no way he could tell anybody of what had happened, he was convinced of that at least. Needing an escape, he grabbed the closest book to him (The Great Gatsby) and started reading, allowing himself to disappear in the lives of fictitious people and places.

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The weeks remaining before the start of the semester passed surprisingly quickly for Loki. At first, he hid from his family, giving time for the bruises to heal without questions being asked by his mother or Thor. Once they had faded, he was still reserved but most of that was directed towards Odin, who avoided his son just as much. His restaurant job helped with that; he was rarely home in the evenings after Odin got home from work and he began running after work rather than in the mornings so that he didn't have to cross paths with the man before he went to bed. If Frigga or Thor noticed the tension in the room whenever the two happened to be near each other, neither of them mentioned it.

It was the night before move-in day. Thor's truck and both Loki's and Frigga's cars were packed with the two boys' belongings. Both Thor and Frigga were in bed, but Loki was video chatting with Tony on Skype again just to make sure each of them had all of the larger items they were bringing accounted for. A sharp knock at the door startled Loki mid-sentence and he whipped his head around and saw Odin standing in the doorway.

"I need to have a word with you," he spoke quietly but the tone of his voice spoke volumes.

"Ok, just give me a se—," Loki started but Odin interrupted him with a frown and narrowed eyes.

"No, Loki. Now," he practically growled. Tony raised an eyebrow.

"It's ok, Loki! I'll see you tomorrow anyway, I'm sure we've got everything! Have a good night, bye!" He winked and Loki just nodded before shutting his laptop. He barely had begun to stand when he felt a strong hand gripping him by the jaw, bringing him to his feet and spinning him around.

"Does he know?" Odin asked furiously.

"Know what?" Loki's voice was raspy in an effort to speak around the hold his father had on the underside of his jaw.

"Don't play dumb with me, Loki. Does your roommate know about your disgracing situation?" And there it was… of course Odin was speaking in reference to Loki's sexuality, although he should've suspected that.

"I don't know… we… we've never discussed it…" Loki struggled to break free from the hand that held him in place, but he didn't have to for long. When Odin heard this, he shoved his son back; Loki sank to the floor, his hands seeking out his neck to rub at the now-red skin.

"Make sure it stays that way. The less people that know about that, the better and the faster we can remedy it." Odin seemed relieved at this, but Loki scowled.

"You can't 'remedy' this. This is who I _am_. Nothing you say is going to change that." Loki hissed. This same spiel again. He was sick of it, understandably, but he regretted opening his mouth again. The breath caught in his throat as the older man's grip returned to his neck and once again lifted him to his feet.

"This attitude is _not_ acceptable. You _will_ learn to respect me. Mark my words- this _will_ be fixed if it is the _last _thing you do. You will not continue to shame this family with this sick fixation of yours. It's _disgusting_," and with that, Odin dropped his son again and stormed out of the room. This was the last time Loki saw his father for a while. He sat in a daze, his eyes were unfocused, his mind and heart were racing, and he didn't snap out of it until he felt a tear course down his cheek. Unlike the first time, he was able to fall asleep; tossing and turning through fitful dreams, subconsciously wishing for more innocent times.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Conveniently, Odin was busy at the office on his day off and was unable to help his sons move out. Neither boy complained, especially not Loki. Unfortunately for him, Frigga didn't wear makeup so he wasn't able to fully disguise the fresh bruises on his neck and jaw line. The best he could come up with was a green and black plaid button-down shirt, the collar at least hiding the ones on his neck.

They moved Loki's belongings into his dorm room first. The rooms were nice- a suite-like setup with a shared bedroom, a bathroom, and a small living room/kitchen area. His room was on the second floor, right across from the stair case, so it didn't take as long as they'd expected. Of course, he was there and they were finished long before Tony would show up.

"Tell Tony and his father I said hello and that I'm sorry we weren't able to stick around to see them," Frigga told her son as she gave him a kiss on the cheek and a hug before leaving with Thor.

"Yes, of course mom." Loki replied, returning the hug and closing the door behind his retreating family. He was glad Tony hadn't arrived yet. Sure, he'd met the rest of the Odinsons before (excluding Odin himself), but Loki didn't want any visitation extending their stay longer than they necessarily had to be there. He didn't want to chance any of them noticing the partially hidden bruises.

He worked on unpacking for about two hours before Tony finally arrived on campus. The hallway was filled with commotion from students moving in and greeting their friends and Loki was more than happy to avoid that. He was startled when a loud knocking came at the door and he could hear Tony talking to others outside.

When he opened the door, the other man shoved his way into the living room, arms full, with his father behind him pulling a cart loaded with suitcases and appliances.

"Lokiiiiiiiii," Tony whined, "come on, give us a hand!" He was clearly struggling with carrying a microwave, toaster oven, and printer (all stacked in his arms), his laptop case and guitar case slung over his shoulders. Loki plucked up the box from the top of the pile and chuckled, leading them back towards the bedroom.

"You know, you could make multiple trips… it would be a lot easier for you." Tony just laughed at this.

"You know me though! I'm lazy- if I can make it all in one trip, I'm going to!" Loki couldn't argue with that. He helped Tony set the boxes down on his desk and was pulled tight into a one-armed hug. When they drew away from each other, Tony's eyes flickered to the purple blotches on Loki's jaw line and he raised an eyebrow quizzically but didn't say anything. Loki assumed it was because Mr. Stark was still in the room, but he still hoped that it wouldn't be brought up when the two were alone. He passed along Frigga's well wishes which Howard Stark returned, and after helping the boys unpack a bit, the older man wished them luck with the semester and left them to organize the dorm to their liking. They followed him out to the living room, showing him out, and the door had barely closed before Tony grabbed Loki's wrist and pulled him onto the futon beside him. Loki knew what was coming and his heart was racing.

"Loki, we need to talk…"

"I don't know what you me—."

"_Bull_shit!" Tony half shouted and the man next to him flinched.

"Loki, that's _bullshit_… How dumb do you think I am?"

"Stark, I don—."

"No. Loki. Don't lie to me. Not with this." Loki's mouth was slightly open and he couldn't think of a response. His eyes were directed at the ground and he couldn't bring himself to raise them and look Tony in the eyes.

"Look at me." He couldn't.

"Loki… _look_ at me." When he did, Tony could see that his cheeks were red and his eyes were brimming with unshed tears. Boy did things get serious fast, and Tony was certainly not expecting Loki to react this way. He knew something was wrong, but he only saw the tip of the ice burg.

"What… what happened?" His voice shook as he spoke, not sure of how to proceed. He'd never been that good at comforting people. The last time he'd had to do so was when Clint and Loki broke up almost a year ago.

"I… I don't know." Loki swallowed, wringing his hands. Tony gripped his shoulder and squeezed lightly in what he hoped was a consoling gesture.

"I-I-I-I can't, Tony… I just… can't. I'm sorry." He shrugged the others hand off his shoulder and slowly stood up, walking across the room to the kitchen.

"Fine… you know what… just… _fine._ I don't want to play this game with you. I _won't_ play this game with you. If you won't talk about this… _whatever_. I'm going to find Pepper." Tony was frustrated and Loki understood why and didn't blame him. That didn't make it any easier for him when Tony stormed out of the room to find his girlfriend, slamming the door behind him. Loki flinched at the sound and slowly made his way back to the futon. He buried his face in his hands and only then did the tears begin to fall. Tony was right, this was stupid. All he wanted was for his best friend to trust him, yet Loki could not bring himself to burden him with his problems.

Tony didn't return that night and Loki tried to keep preoccupied by reading. More often than not, he'd catch himself staring blankly at the page, not absorbing any of the words, lost in his thoughts. What a great start to the semester.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Loki awoke on Sunday morning; his mind taking a minute to remember that he was no longer living at home. He was curled up on the futon and somebody had draped a blanket over him. The smell of coffee saturated the air and his stomach growled. He realized he hadn't eaten anything since lunch the day before and he groggily made his way to the kitchen.

Tony sat at one of the bar stools, eating a bowl of cereal with a cup of coffee in front of him. Loki crept up and sat on the stool next to him, not sure of where to go from there. The other man didn't say a word but he passed the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in front of Loki.

"Look, I'm sor—,"

"How'd you sleep? You looked cold so I got out a blanket…" Tony interrupted him.

"I… I slept fine, thank you. But really, I need to apolog—," Loki started but was interrupted again.

"No, Loki, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Clearly it's none of my business. I'm here for you if you want to talk but I can't force you to…" Tony stood to fetch a bowl, a spoon, and the milk for his roommate. Loki nodded slowly, both wanting and not wanting to talk to Tony about his situation. Things seemed like they were going to be okay for now at least and that was all Loki could ask for.

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The following two weeks passed in a blur. Classes were going well and they regularly got together with their group of friends. As Tony's girlfriend, Pepper frequented their dorm room. Clint and Natasha often joined them, as did Steve Rogers from a few doors down the hallway. Thor Odinson was also sometimes included in this group. It was a Saturday (more like night… it was after 3:30am) when they were all together watching "The Princess Bride" and eating pizza in the boys' living room.

Tony had been sitting in the middle of the futon, with Pepper to his left and Loki at his right. Sometime during the duration of the film, Loki wound up curled up against Tony's side, with his head against the other man's chest. Tony's right arm was draped over Loki's form, and his cheek rested on the top of his roommate's head. Loki's arm wrapped loosely around Tony's waist went unnoticed by both, because they were both deep in sleep. This image would have been picture perfect had it not been for Tony gripping Pepper's hand tight in his left one.

Most of the others noticed, but nobody said or did anything to disrupt the sleeping men. It took Pepper longer to see them because she was engrossed in watching the movie, but once she did, it was like the spell had been broken.

_"Tony!_" She hissed at him, tightening her grip on his hand. He didn't respond. She repeated herself, but gave him a push. It wasn't a particularly hard shove, but in his unconscious state it sent both Tony and Loki off the futon in a tangle of limbs. Loki's muscles tensed, bracing for the impact, and he yelped as his back crashed into the floor. Tony wasn't far behind, and landed over his roommate, his elbows just barely making it in time to collide with the floor to support his body above Loki's. His knee connected with the floor between Loki's legs so he was effectively straddling one of Loki's thighs.

It was as if time stood still. When Loki slowly opened his eyes, he found himself face-to-face with Tony. Their noses were only a few short inches apart, but he couldn't move, frozen by the brown eyes that stared back at him. Tony was equally transfixed by the pair of green eyes that held his gaze and his breathing was heavy.

A few moments passed before a cough across the room interrupted the silence. Tony blinked a few times, flashed a cheeky grin and hopped onto his feet, offering a hand to the man still lying on the ground. Loki let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and accepted the help getting up, cheeks flushing a bright pink. As soon as he was standing, he stammered a quick "goodnight" and stumbled to the bedroom

"Sorry, ladies, show's over," Tony announced to the room, "Try not to get in trouble between here and your places! Night-night!" He started shooing the group out of the room.

"Oh, no, not you, honey. You get to stay right here with me," he grabbed Pepper's wrist and she giggled sleepily, pulling him in for a kiss. He broke away from the kiss and caught Thor staring at them… more specifically at _him_, and the expression on his face was confusing to Tony. He couldn't place the look the blond man was giving him, but frankly he was too tired to care and waved his hand towards the door.

"We will speak later, Stark," Thor said to Tony as he left, a frown on his face. All Tony did was shrug and pull Pepper in for another kiss, locking the door, turning off all the lights, and leading her back to his bed.

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Thor had always been the golden child, and not just because his golden locks matched the rest of his family's (unlike Loki's black hair). No, Thor was the star athlete following in his father's footsteps- a football player in the fall and coach of a kid's soccer team in the summer. He was very much into exercising his physical abilities while his brother focused on reading and music as his hobbies. Not to say Loki was weak by any means; he was a runner and had well defined muscles, but he wasn't the athlete Thor was and that was always a disappointment to Odin.

Thor could do no wrong in his father's eyes, it seemed, and Odin had always been Thor's role model. He knew he was the favorite son and though he sometimes felt badly for Loki because of it, he didn't let it get to him because he figured Loki brought it upon himself His brother _knew_ how to fix it, but wouldn't… he was just being stubborn. As long as his father was proud of him and acknowledged his accomplishments, what did it matter to him if it wasn't the same with his brother?The two boys were friends, they always had been, but recently Thor found himself agreeing more with his father (though he would never admit that to Loki), and it broke his heart a little to know that Loki would not accept Odin's advice.

So when Odin expressed his concerns about Loki to his older son, Thor took them to heart. It was with these concerns in mind that Thor called Odin upon arriving back at his own dorm room. Surprisingly he answered the phone, even though it was almost 4 in the morning.

"Thor? What's going on? Is everything alright?" Odin groggily asked.

"Father. I have news for you. Concerning Loki…" At this, his father shot up in bed and seemed wide awake.

"Yes, go on."

"We got together with friends tonight and were watching movies. Sometime in one of the films, he fell asleep and so did his roommate, Tony Stark," he paused to try and figure out how to proceed. "The two of them… fell asleep together… on the couch. Nothing is going on, I believe, because Tony is in a relationship with a woman, but I don't know what Loki is playing at, if anything…"

"Hmmm… well, thank you, my son, for informing me. I am very proud of you. But do keep me posted. Keep an eye on him. We'll discuss this further later." And with that, he hung up. Thor got situated in bed and thought about his brother and Tony and how they had interacted that night. He really didn't think anything was going on, but there was… something… in the air when they fell from the futon. The few moments when they just looked at each other, so close they could have almost kissed. Everyone felt it, whether they would admit it or not. He was going to talk to Stark in the morning, he decided, and he fell asleep almost excited to carry out the "mission" his father had given him.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Loki woke the next morning with aching muscles. He was confused as to why at first, but then he remembered how he had been in an awkward sleeping positing on the futon with Tony, and then how they had tumbled off and knocked limbs together on the way down to the floor. He had been exhausted and honestly hadn't meant to end up using Tony as a pillow, but when he felt himself slipping into sleep, he could've sworn he'd felt Tony's arm wrapping around his shoulders pulling him closer. That wasn't possible though, was it? No, of course not, Tony was with Pepper, and happily so, as he could see from the bed across the room from him. But Loki just _had _to go and make himself comfortable without any regard for the other man's personal space at all, _how typical_.

He groaned silently at himself when he thought back to the way Tony landed on him, the way the whole room went silent, and the way time seemed to slow down just for a moment. He remembered how his mouth went dry, how his stomach felt fluttery and unsettled, and how he forgot to breathe. _What the hell is wrong with me? _He frowned, looking back to the bed that the couple was tangled together in. He shook his head and crawled out of bed, quietly padding across the room to the door. On the way out, he grabbed his running shoes and his ipod and left the house, making sure to make as little noise as possible.

It was beautiful outside. The sun was out and the air had a crisp, clean smell. Loki ran around campus, taking in the simplistic charm of the place. The old brick buildings were surrounded by large grassy lawns and trees. He ran for a good 45 minutes before he passed by the library. While he had gone inside to browse before, he still hadn't been able to spend a lot of time there, so he figured it was about time.

He found the book he was looking for (_Water for Elephants_, a suggestion from Natasha) and he sat down at a table to read in silence, not wanting to return to his dorm room and disturb the probably still-sleeping couple. When Loki reads, he completely loses himself to the story, so he didn't hear at first when he was being spoken to.

"Uhh… what?" He responded (_Dammit, Loki, way to sound like a complete idiot…)_ when he realized someone was standing over him, and this person was looking at him expectantly. Loki's eyebrows rose and his breath caught in his throat as his green eyes met the bright blue ones of the man standing next to him. _Hot damn,_ Loki thought as the man chuckled, his shaggy auburn hair brushing across his forehead.

"I said, _Water for Elephants_, I've heard that's a good one but have yet to read it. How do you like it?"

"Ah. It's good. I mean… I'm not very far into it yet, but what I've read is very well written!" _A little better anyway, don't fuck this up by making an ass out of yourself_, Loki smiled at the man and received one in return.

"I'm glad to hear that… maybe I'll have to get it from you when you're done." With a wink and a grin, the man said, "I'll leave you to your reading, but I'll catch you later, Loki Odinson," and with that, he left as quickly and quietly as he'd arrived.

"Goodbye…" Loki whispered to himself and sat staring after the man for a moment after he'd left. _He knows my name… how does he know my name? Who was that guy?_ He figured maybe they shared a class, but no… if they had, surely Loki would've recognized him. You don't have a class for 50 minutes a day, 3 days a week, in a room with an attractive individual without even _noticing_ them!

Turning back to his book, Loki tries to focus his attention on reading. His thoughts keep returning to those blue eyes winking at him and what seemed like the promise of future encounters, and he blushed. Clearly he wasn't going to be finishing this book today, so he walked up to the counter to check it out, before leaving and walking back to his dorm room, grinning the whole way back.

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As soon as he'd closed the door to the library, he pulled out his phone.

"Hello?" A gruff voice on the other line answered.

"Mr. Odinson?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"Hugh. Hugh Muninn," He ran a hand through his auburn hair, "just calling to inform you that I made contact with your son," a brief pause, "with Loki. I'll keep my eyes and ears open and if anything comes up, I'll give you a call again. I expect ample compensation for this, Odinson."

"Yes, of course." After Odin's reply, Hugh hung up. The older man was rich, and there was little he wouldn't do for the generous reward he knew was in store for him. After all, his Starbucks job wasn't enough to supply his addictions, and hell… spying on a rich man's gay son could be the easiest side job he's ever taken.

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Pepper had woken before him and it was to the smell of bacon and eggs that Tony woke up around noon. He stretched and sat up, noticing that Loki had already left, and he made his way to the kitchen. Upon entering the room, he walked up behind Pepper, wrapped his arms around her waist, and planted a kiss on her neck.

"Mmmm, good morning, Tony. You hungry?" She asked, giggling as he started lightly biting his way down her neck to her shoulder, "I meant for _food_, silly."

"Oh… _right_… that. Of course!" When Pepper set a plate of food down in front of him, Tony dove right in. His phone buzzed on the countertop, and he immediately opened the message from Thor.

_Stark, I'll have words with you._

Sure, big guy, what's up?

_My apologies if this comes off as too bold, but what happened with you and Loki last night?_

Uhhh… say what?

_Last night when we were watching movies… everyone felt the tension in the room. Tell me, are you and my brother… involved?_

Thor what the hell? No we aren't! Jesus, I'm with Pepper, I definitely don't swing that way. And I doubt that he's at all interested in me!

_Again, my apologies, of course you don't. Thanks._

Pepper was talking to him, but he wasn't hearing her words. Tony just stared at his phone in disbelief. That was one of the strangest conversations he'd ever had with Thor, although he could kind of see why the other man was suspicious. He didn't have much time to think more on it, though, because suddenly the door flew open and Loki walked into the room, a huge grin plastered on his face. Tony's mouth fell open slightly, he couldn't remember the last time Loki looked this… _happy_.

"Well, hello there, Sunshine! What's got you so happy?" Tony asked teasingly, not missing the faint blush that creeped up on Loki's cheeks.

"Nothing, _Sleeping Beauty_," a nod to Tony's obvious bed-head, rumpled clothing, and the plate of breakfast in front of him, "just had a good run, started a good book, and it's a beautiful day to be alive."

"Oh, Loki… don't lie to me," Tony smiled and winked at Pepper, "I've seen you do all those things before and not once have I seen them bring this kind of reaction from you. What makes today so special?" He grabbed Loki's forearm as he tried walking past, and if Loki's eyebrows shot up at the sudden warmth of fingers brushing his skin, it went unnoticed by Tony. He swallowed back a gasp before answering.

"I… uhh… I met someone…" a suggestive _ohhhhhh_ from Pepper, "well, kind of, anyway… I didn't get his name but he was at the library and we talked for a minute… he knew who I was though." His smile got more and more shy as he spoke, especially when he saw how Tony's eyes lit up.

"Ahhh, so the truth comes out! Well, well, well… are you going to see him again?"

"He seemed to think so," Loki grinned again, "I sure hope so." With that, he went to shower and clean up after his run, leaving Tony and Pepper to share a glance after his retreating back.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

It turns out that Tony didn't have to wait long to meet this mystery man. A couple of days passed and it was Tony's turn to bring home the post-class Starbucks that had become a weekly ritual. With the text with Loki's order pulled up on his phone (even though Loki always got the same thing and he had it memorized), he walked up to the counter and was greeted by the barista.

"Hello, there! What can I get for you today?" The man smiled brightly.

"Hey… Hugh," Tony glanced quickly at the nametag the man wore, "Let me see… first, I'll need a grande vanilla latte, and how about a regular ol' black coffee for me. Largest one you've got." He handed Hugh a $10, "Here, keep the change."

"Sure thing, thank you! Can I get names for the drinks?"

"Oh, yeah! For the latte, it's 'Loki', and for the black coffee it's 'Tony.' Thanks." He failed to notice the way the barista's eyebrows shot up at the mention of Loki's name.

"Loki, you say? As in Loki Odinson?"

"The very same, actually. You know him?"

"I spoke with him briefly at the library the other day…" _Ahhh_, thought Tony, _this must be him, he matches the description anyway!_

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes, I… you… are you and Loki…?" Bright blue eyes searched out Tony's brown ones in question. It took the other man a moment to understand what that was.

"Oh? _Oh_. No-no-no-no. Loki is my friend. And my roommate, but no, we're not… definitely _not_… I have a girlfriend…" What seemed like relief to Tony washed over Hugh's face.

"Oh, good. Here…" Taking the cup of Loki's coffee back from Tony's hand he starts writing on it again, a series of numbers this time, "tell him to give me a call… if he wants to, that is…" He handed it back to Tony and sure enough there was a phone number below Loki's name.

"I'm sure you'll be hearing from him. Thanks, and you have a good one!" With that, Tony left and walked as fast as he could back to his dorm room, excited to pass along the good news to his roommate.

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"Tony Stark, what the hell is this?" It only took Loki around 10 minutes of slowly sipping at his drink before noticing the phone number on the cup. Tony smirked mischievously before answering.

"Whatever are you talking about, Loki Odinson?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Stark, it doesn't suit you."

"Oh, fine, _Odinson_. You'll never guess who works as a barista at Starbucks, but here, I'll give you a hint- his baby blues enjoy reading as much as you do, apparently, and he's got… what was it you called it… _auburn_ hair?" He grinned at Loki's inability to close his mouth now, in shock.

"You're shitting me." He stated.

"Indeed, I am not, actually. His name's Hugh and I think he's looking forward to a call from you, so don't keep him waiting!" Tony winked and put his hand to his face in a 'call me' motion before leaving the room. Loki just stared after him for a moment before pulling out his phone. He entered the number but didn't hit the 'call' button yet, contemplating how this could turn out for him. _Oh, just do it, he seems interested anyway…_ Loki sighed and hit 'call', holding his breath as the phone rang.

"Hello?" A voice answered and Loki's own caught in his throat.

"Hello…?" The voice asked again.

"Ah, hi, uhh… Hugh?" _Use your words, Loki…_

"Yes, this is he, may I ask who's calling?"

"Uh, yeah, this is Loki? Loki Odinson?" _Stop saying everything like it's a question_, Lokis' brain screamed at him.

"Ahhh, _Loki_. It appears that Stark delivered my message then, good. So, you and him… you aren't _together_, are you?" Loki's eyes widened and his heart beat a little faster.

"Uhm, no. No, we're… not. He's my roommate and…."

"No need for explanations, just curious is all. So, how about me? What would you say to getting together with me… say, for dinner? Tomorrow night? 7:30? I can meet you at the library and drive from there."

"7:30? I… yes. I would like that very much. I'll see you then."

"Very good, let me know where you'd like to go. Tomorrow then, Loki." They hung up and Loki smiled.

"_Loki and Hugh kissing in a tree… K-I-S-_ _oomph_," Loki threw a pillow from the futon at Tony's singing face, cheeks flushing pink.

"It's just _dinner_. Nothing more."

"Uh-huh… gotcha… where are you going to go?"

"Don't know yet, he told me to pick… so we'll see."

"Well, I hope this works out for you, Loki. You deserve it."

"Thanks, I… I hope so too." He watched his roommate return to their bedroom where Pepper was waiting for him. Yes, maybe this was exactly what he needed right now.

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"Hello? Yes, this is Hugh, who is... Oh. Tell your employer that I'll have his money soon. No- I can't say exactly when. Yes- I know he's impatient. But…... No, trust me, I've got a plan. I'll get the money; I just need some more… Yes. I'll be in touch." He hung up the phone but quickly dialed another number and left a voicemail.

"Odin, delete this once you've listened to it. I overheard your son on the phone at the library. Dinner with someone at 7:30. Don't know where or with whom, but I'll be on the lookout."

He needed to move this along. He needed the money, and he needed it now, and he knew exactly what he was going to do to get Odin to pay up. He smirked, the wheels turning in his head as his plan began to come together.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Loki stood in front of his closet the next evening, at a loss of what to wear, of all things. He'd decided on a Chinese restaurant, so it wouldn't be necessary to be super fancy, but he did want to make a good impression. Tony leaned into his back, reaching over his shoulder to tug a shirt out of the closet.

"This," he said about a long sleeved, green, button-down shirt, "with dark jeans. And your black Chucks. Roll the sleeves up though, and don't tuck it in."

"Oh, whatever would I do without you?" Loki asked sarcastically, but pulled the clothes Tony suggested out of the closet and slipped into the bathroom to change. He emerged a few minutes later and Tony let out a low whistle.

"_Damn_, you clean up well. Heck, I'd even do ya… _kidding_, Loki, I'm kidding," he hurriedly added when he saw Loki's deer-in-the-headlights expression. Even after all this time, Loki sometimes had a hard time judging whether or not Tony was serious with his occasional flirting. "Have fun, now. Don't stay up too late, stay out of trouble. You need anything, call me!"

"Yes, _mother_… don't wait up for me!" Loki replied with an eye-roll before grinning and heading out the door.

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_7:37… where is he?_ Loki glanced at his phone for what felt like the hundredth time. He was sitting outside the library on a bench and his anxiety was near killing him. He'd never been stood up before and didn't know how long he should wait before it actually _was_ a matter of him being stood up. Five long minutes later, he heard footsteps approaching and looked up. The other man was wearing… a suit? _A little formal…_ Loki thought, but wasn't going to complain because it was definitely a welcomed sight.

"Ah, Loki, I'm terribly sorry about my delay, I was on the phone with my mother and you know how they love to talk," Hugh chuckled as he stopped a few steps away from Loki's bench. "Shall we? Did you decide on a restaurant?" Loki smiled and stood up, following Hugh back to his car.

"I was thinking Chinese? There's this really good place downto—," He was interrupted.

"Loki, _please_. You can't possibly be _serious_," Hugh turned to him, frowning, "That's just… _silly…_ I mean… _Chinese_? No. There's this Italian restaurant I've been absolutely dying to try, let's try that instead." Loki's mouth snapped shut. He couldn't believe he'd been spoken to that way, as if his opinion didn't matter. _Don't worry about it, it's just food,_ he told himself, although an uneasy feeling settled in his stomach.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Loki felt immediately underdressed. Most of the other customers were dressed in suits like Hugh or dresses, and Loki tugged nervously at the hem of his green shirt. Surprisingly, the remainder of the date went very well, and Hugh's lateness and dismissal of the Chinese restaurant were quickly forgotten as the two men talked about their interests and lives. It ended with Hugh driving Loki to his dorm and escorting him to the door. When he saw the hallway was empty, he lightly gripped Loki's chin and planted a soft kiss on his lips before whispering goodbye and leaving, the perfect gentleman.

Loki slowly let himself in the door, brushing his fingertips to the place Hugh's lips had been only moments before. Tony and Pepper were watching a movie on the futon, and seemed to be sleeping, so he made his way back to the bathroom, changed, and curled into bed, reflecting on what had been a mostly perfect first date.

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Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, Loki sat up in bed and was met by two brown eyes staring at him from across the room.

"_Jesus_… Stark, what the hell?" He breathed heavily and noticed that it was just Tony- Pepper must've gone home last night after Loki fell asleep.

"Hahaha, dude, you should've seen your face! Priceless! Ha!" Tony's head was thrown back in a loud, barking laugh that was infectious enough to get his roommate chuckling too. "_Soooooo_… how was it?" It was clear that Tony had been waiting for a while to find out how Loki's date went last night.

"It was… nice." He replied with a smile.

"Nice. _Nice?_ That's _all_ I get? Come _on_, Loki, I'm your best friend!" Tony started to pout, but Loki knew he was mostly kidding around.

"Yes, Stark, it was _nice_. I don't kiss and tell." He grinned.

"_Ohhhh_, so you guys _kissed_? Was it _magical_?" Tony wiggled his eyebrows which made Loki laugh.

"You know it. But in all seriousness, I had a good time. I… I think I'm going to see him again." He decided not to mention what had happened before arriving at the restaurant, knowing Tony would make a big deal out of it. _Besides, it was just a fluke. Next time will start better._

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And it turns out he would see Hugh again. Many times, in fact. After their third date, Loki invited Hugh into his dorm room where he got to meet Tony again. Tony greeted them warmly and with a wink, went back to the bedroom to give the couple some privacy in the living area.

"So, I finally get to see my boyfriend's dorm, how exciting." Hugh grinned mischievously.

"Boyfriend? Hmm, I think I like the sound of that." Loki hummed, but then frowned. "I… Hugh, we… ahh. _Shit._ Can we uhh… keep this between us?" He asked hesitantly, avoiding the other man's eyes.

"Loki, what do you mean? Keep us a secret? Are… are you ashamed of me?"

"_What_? No, of course not! It's just that…" _why is this so hard to say?_ "I don't want it getting back… to my father. He's not been… accepting… at _all_ of this kind of thing and I… I'd rather not deal with that. My brother's always around and if we tell people, he'll find out and I just _know_ it'll get back to my father. I… I'm sorry." And there it was, finally admitting out loud that there were problems between him and his father. And it wasn't even _Tony_ he told.

"Of course, Loki, I completely understand. Just between us, then. What about Tony Stark? He knows."

"Well yeah he knows but he's not going to say anything."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because… Tony's my best friend; he wouldn't do anything like that to me. _Trust_ me."

"Ok. Come here," Hugh half growled, pulling Loki in for a biting kiss that was broken by Loki only when Tony slipped into sight. He couldn't say why it bothered him to have Tony see him with his boyfriend, especially because he'd seen Tony with Pepper many times before, but he always felt... embarrassed? No. Not quite... Nervous maybe? All he knew was that his face would start to burn a little and he didn't quite feel like he could look Tony in the eyes.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

When Loki went with Tony, Thor, and Steve to get Starbucks, Hugh and Loki would share glances and smiles but otherwise pretended not to know each other. Only Tony noticed and he only ever mentioned it to Loki when they were alone.

For weeks, Loki was happy. Nearly as happy as he'd ever been with Clint and he told Tony this. What he didn't tell his friend was how Hugh would occasionally say things like he did on that very first date with the idea of eating Chinese. Hugh treated him well otherwise, so he put up with the verbal abuse. Besides, _he's just teasing, just joking around, right? Yes, of course…_

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"Odinson, it's me. Your son has a boyfriend now. No, I haven't gotten a good look at his face, I've seen them around though. Holding hands, stealing kisses, etcetera… What? Thor saw them? Ahh… I see. What should I… Just keep observing. Yes, of course, not an issue. Thank you. I'm sure you'll be hearing from me shortly." He'd accidentally-on-purpose kissed Loki when he sensed Thor was watching. He'd been noticing the older brother on the lookout for at least a week and figured he should call Odin to rat on the younger son before Thor did, drawing his own conclusions. The situation was advancing nicely so far- Thor didn't know him; Odin had never seen him before and wouldn't know that it was actually _him_ dating Loki. Just until he got his money from Odin, of course. He'd always been a good actor and he told himself: _just a little bit longer_, with a smirk plastered on his face.

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They had been dating for almost two months. It was the end of October, around Halloween, Loki's favorite time of the year. He loved the crispness of dying leaves, the biting air, and of course the tricks and treats surrounding the upcoming weekend. Hugh was coming over that night to watch scary movies with Loki, and he was anxiously waiting around for the other man to arrive. When he finally did, it was obvious that Hugh was agitated.

"Where is that _sonofabitch_ roommate of yours?"

"I… what? Tony? He's not here… why?"

"Because, I'm going to kick his sorry ass, _that's_ why."

"Hugh. What is going on? You're kind of frea—,"

"Thor _knows_, Loki. Thor fucking _knows_ and I'm _guessing_ it's because that _idiot_ friend of yours couldn't keep his _goddamn mouth shut_!" Loki shakes his head at this, his next question barely audible.

"How much does Thor know?"

"He knows that you're seeing someone. Doesn't know it's me, but _still_, Loki. He knows, which means soon your _father_ will know, and it's becau—,"

"Don't you _dare_ try to pin this on Tony. He's my closest friend; he would _not_ betray me like this. I know he wouldn't. He… he must've found out some other way…" At this, Hugh whirled around and grapped Loki roughly by the jaw, shoving him back against the wall.

"_Oh?_ And you're so sure of this? Well I know _I_ never breathed a word of this to anyone, so that leaves _you_. _You're_ the one who wanted this to remain secret. Yet _somehow_ you let word get out to your fucking _brother_… who will obviously take this back to your _father_ and where will you be then, hmm?" He brought his arm down, still tightly gripping Loki's jaw, causing the shocked man to stumble and fall to the ground. Loki's mind was racing, _what the hell is happening?_ All he could do was look anywhere but Hugh's face. He didn't think anybody had seen them besides Tony, and he _knew_ Tony would take it to the grave for him. He thought they'd been careful, but Hugh said that obviously wasn't so, and the shame that his brother had seen them washed over him instantly.

"I'm so pissed; I can't even stand to _look_ at you, Loki. I'm leaving." He released Loki's jaw just as roughly as he'd originally grabbed it, and turned towards the door.

"_Please_… Hugh, just… stay. Don't leave… _please_." Loki finally looked up at him from the floor, eyes wide and pleading. This almost brought a smile to Hugh's face, but then, he couldn't very well give himself away now could he? And he very much liked this game he was playing, so why not take it a step further? He couldn't help but grin now, as he shut the door again and took a step closer to where Loki was starting to stand up.

"Ok, Loki… I'll stay… _but_… only if you do something… for me." He raised his hand to Loki's shoulder, not missing the mini-flinch he got in reaction. Putting some weight in his hand, he forced the other man back to the floor, in a kneeling position this time.

"What… is it you… want me to do?" Loki questioned hesitantly, getting a nervous feeling in his stomach from the absolutely wicked grin that kept growing on Hugh's face. He shifted his hand from Loki's shoulder to the base of his neck, fingers tangling in and gripping his long black hair tightly.

"Oh… Loki, I think you can figure out the answer to that one. I mean, it _has_ been two months and yet we've never done more than _kiss_? _Really_, is that the right way to treat your boyfriend? Besides… don't you think you _owe_ me for having let _this_ slip out?" Whatever small amount of defiance Loki's expression held before was now gone at this statement, his cheeks flushing red. Of course, Hugh was right. He _did_ owe him for somehow letting their relationship get out to his brother. Once Hugh saw this, he chuckled and loosened his grip in Loki's hair to undo his pants.

"_Well_? Get a move on," He murmured when Loki didn't make a move to touch his freed cock, but would only look up at him with a sad look in his eyes. A few seconds of nothing passed, and even that was too much for the standing man. He tangled his fingers back through the hair at the back of Loki's head and tugged his head back hard, growling, "I said… _move_."

Loki complied this time, a stinging pain at the back of his head from the hair pulling, and opened his mouth tentatively. He'd never even done this with Clint, whom he'd dated for almost a year, and he'd never thought it would happen… like _this_. His cheeks were burning from embarrassment when he took the head of Hugh's already hard prick into his mouth, moving at an almost glacial pace. As he immediately would find out, this was just not going to do.

The hand in his hair gripped him harder and pushed, forcing Hugh's cock down Loki's throat. He started gagging, his eyes stinging with tears, and tried to pull his head back, but the grip holding him there was too strong. It took a moment for his throat to adjust, but as soon as it did, the hand holding him was pumping his head back and forth so fast he could hardly see straight. Moments passed and the tears were streaming freely down his face now, as the assault on his mouth continued and the man above him began losing himself to his pleasure.

"God… _fuck_… ah," Hugh grunted as he released in Loki's throat. He held the other man's head there for a minute before roughly pushing him away to the floor. Loki instantly began coughing and sputtering, semen and saliva dribbling down his chin and neck. He sat, eyes glued to the floor, fresh tears pouring down his face, and breathing heavily as numbness crept over his body. Hugh rearranged his clothing and headed straight for the door, giving only a passing glance to his boyfriend while speaking.

"Next time, you'd better swallow." He growled and left the dorm room, slamming the door behind him.

Loki didn't know how long he sat there, stunned, but after realizing that, yes, that did actually happen, and _shit_, he'd better get the place cleaned up so _nobody_ found out about this, he was able to pull himself shakily to his feet. He'd barely stood up when he felt literally sick to his stomach and he bolted to the bathroom. His knees gave out and he almost hit his head on the toilet bowl on the way down, but he caught himself and promptly heaved into the toilet.

Afterwards, he sat on the floor of the bathroom for a while before getting up to wash the acid taste from his mouth. Looking at himself in the mirror, he cringed at the bloodshot eyes, the red marks on his jawline (and probably shoulder too) that would probably bruise in a few hours. He raised cautious fingertips to his lips and his face, willing the past half hour or so to reverse itself. But no matter how he tried to forget, he couldn't manage to shake the shame he'd felt, or the anger Hugh threw his way.

He didn't realize he was crying again until a sob ripped itself from his throat as he changed clothes and took a wet towel out to clean up the sticky mess from the living room floor. The tears didn't stop there, nor did they stop when he threw himself on the futon and curled up into the smallest ball he possibly could. They only quieted hours later when he finally drifted off to sleep just moments before Tony came back. Tony walked through the still-lit room to stand in front of his sleeping roommate. He adjusted the pillow so it was underneath Loki's head, noticing the wetness in the fabric from tears. _Oh, Loki… what am I going to do with you_, he shook his head and once again pulled a blanket over his friend before heading back to his bed, quickly falling asleep.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

When Loki woke up, his head was pounding and his eyes were itchy. He felt disgusting and once he remembered exactly why, he ran to the toilet once more to throw up. Tears filled his eyes again as he coughed and gasped over the toilet but it was only when he heard footsteps behind him that they fell. Damn it, he'd woken Tony up, and he felt terrible for that. He knew the man had to have gotten less sleep than him because he didn't hear him come back home before falling asleep. He felt the other man shift behind him so he was on the floor with Loki, before he felt two hands gather the hair from his neck and shoulders and hold it back for him.

Normally this gesture would be appreciated. However, this time the hands in his hair reminded him of the ones that last held him, the ones that were rough and forceful… the ones that _used_ him. Loki whirled around suddenly, catching Tony off guard, and sent the other man flying into the counter.

"No. No-no-no-no-no." Loki stammered, raising his arms in an attempt to shield his body. Tony slumped against the counter and just stared at his friend. He had _never_ seen Loki like this. _What the hell happened, Loki_?

"Shhh… Loki, it's me. It's just Tony. I'm not going to hurt you… I just… what…?" Tony struggled with his words. What could he say? What could he do? Finally Loki seemed to get his breathing under control and met Tony's gaze.

"Tony…? _Tony_. I… I-I-I'm so sorry. Are you… ok?"

"Loki, _Jesus_… I'm fine. The real question is, are you? And _don't_ lie to me; it's pretty obvious that you're not ok right now." Tony crossed the room again so he was sitting next to Loki, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but Loki… I'm your friend. I _care_ about you, so know that I'll be here for you, whatever happens, ok?"

Loki didn't say anything, but nodded and let himself relax to the hand that was lightly tracing patterns over his back.

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The next time Loki saw Hugh, a few days later, it was as if nothing had ever happened. The other man treated him so well that for a moment Loki wondered if maybe he'd imagined the whole incident. But no, it was all too real. He could still feel him in his mouth; he could still hear the biting words and the wicked grin on Hugh's face. There's no way he could've made that up, is there?

During the next week, he was so confused, but Hugh never mentioned it and he wasn't about to bring it up, so Loki figured it must've been a fluke. Maybe he'd misunderstood his own feelings and reactions and tricked himself into believing he didn't want it. This explanation didn't explain the cold glint in Hugh's eyes, though. Or the way Loki started to close himself off to not only his boyfriend, but to everyone else as well.

Hugh noticed this with glee, preparing to make another call to Odin. Tony noticed with anger and frustration because he could tell that Hugh did something to Loki that night, but without proof, he could do nothing. The small bruises could very well have been given in form of passionate kisses, and who was Tony to intrude and confront Loki on something like that?

A week had passed since that night, when Loki would find out there was more bad news to his boyfriend than he'd thought. Tony, Loki, Clint, and Steve were eating dinner in the boys' living room when a hurried knock came at the door. Tony jumped up and answered the door, expecting Pepper to show up, but stumbled back when it was not his girlfriend that greeted him.

Natasha brushed by him, escorting a girl only Clint had seen before. Her curly hair was a mess and she huddled in Natasha's arms, sobbing quietly, when Clint rushed across the room to them.

"Peggy?" He asked, "What's wrong?" They herded her to the futon, Tony and Loki quickly moving out of the way to allow her some space. The girl, Peggy, just cried, unable to speak, shaking, and there was something about this that seemed familiar to Loki that made a lump appear in his throat. Tony slid his hand up to Loki's back to reassure him.

"I-I-I-I-I was…" Her sobbing increased and to everyone else in the room who didn't know her, it was like a car crash. Something terrible, yet none of them could look away, or even move. It was Natasha that spoke for her, her voice low, a warning and a threat, not necessarily directed towards any of them.

"She was attacked walking back from rehearsal. I walked by and he must've thought it too dark out for anybody to notice them in the bushes or something, but he… he was trying to force her. She said no, and he didn't like that all too much. That's where I came in. He won't be bothering her anymore." Everyone stared at her in silence. "The thing that disgusts me most about this… is that he was her boyfriend. They'd been dating since the second week of classes, and that _sonofabitch_ thought he could get away with this." Steve slammed his fist down on the counter at this.

"What's his name?" He growled. When nobody answered immediately, he raised his voice and asked again, "What is the _sack of shit's_ name?" Pepper walked in the door just in time to hear only the name, but judged right away that the situation was serious and instantly settled herself near the girl she'd never met before, in a motherly fashion.

"Hugh… Hugh Muninn…" Peggy's voice shakily whispered from the futon. Steve grumbled something about kicking his ass to hell and back. As everyone was distracted by Peggy, Pepper's arrival, and then Steve's tirade, Tony was the only one to notice how tense Loki had become. How he seemed to be fighting for every breath. How he stumbled and would have fallen to the floor, had Tony's hand not been still on his back, guiding him down to the chair. His ears were ringing and he didn't remember anything else happening, couldn't think, couldn't focus, and all the while Tony's eyes searched out his, silently begging for some kind of response.

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"I have big news for you, Odinson." A smirk played on Hugh's lips as he was on the phone. Now that he'd fucked up with the Peggy situation, he had to play this out fast so he could make his escape.

"Well, Muninn, get on with it, I haven't got all day." Odin sighed wearily through his phone.

"You'll recall that Loki is supposedly dating a man, yes? Though I haven't seen them… let's just say… hmm… that I've _heard_ them." His smirk grew as he played the older man, now like putty in his fingers.

"Get to the point, what do you mean by that?"

"What I mean, Odinson, is that your son likes to make his… ah… _pleasure_ known," the lie slipped through his lips easily enough before he began elaborating on it. "I walked by his dorm earlier this afternoon and clear as day, I heard your son moaning like a common whore. Could hear his string of praises… _more_ he said. _Fuck me harder_ he said," He was enjoying the mental image of Odin losing it too much, the lies continuing to pour through his teeth, "Your son, did you know he likes to be taken from behind? Like a bitch in heat? Your so—,"

"_Enough._ He is _not_ my son, do you hear that?" He could hear the rage and embarrassment in the man's voice.

"Yes, of course, Odinson. How would you like me to proceed?"

"I want you to break him of this."

"How?" _Hmm… this could get even more interesting…_

"I don't _care_ how… just see that it's done. You'll be greatly rewarded."

"Of course." He hung up, the wheels in his head already turning as he made the walk to Loki's dorm building. _Of course_.


	11. Chapter 10

****Warning: non-con

**Chapter 10**

Steve left first, to find Thor. He knew he'd have help hunting down the _monster_ that tried to hurt this poor girl, masquerading as her boyfriend. He felt it as his duty, to make this wrong right, and oh, would he make it right.

Natasha and Clint left after, with Peggy in tow. They knew her from the marching band, and would take her to Natasha's room in an attempt to make her feel more comfortable and safe.

Tony took hold of Pepper's hand, reluctant to take her back to her room, but at the same time needing privacy with Loki. He sure as hell wasn't about to let her walk back on her own though, seeing as how she lived a few buildings over on campus.

"Loki?" He asked tentatively. No response other than the other man curling his arms around himself tightly.

"Loki, I'm going to walk Pepper back to her dorm… but I'll be right back, ok? I promise." He herded the confused-looking Pepper out the door, shutting it softly behind him before explaining the whole situation, starting with Loki and Hugh's relationship, and ending with the moment she walked in the room. She paled throughout his story.

"Is… is he going to be ok on his own right now?" She almost whispered as she unlocked her door and let the two into her room.

"I… I hope so, Pepper…" He sighed.

"I'm safe now; go back to him. He really needs a friend right now." She offered a sad smile and a quick kiss before he nodded and hurried back to his room. Neither could guess at how true her words would end up being.

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"Loki." A whispered voice and soft knock at the door brought the man from his state of shock. He slowly made his way to the door and paused before opening it. Everyone had only been gone for barely 5 minutes. He should've been more alert, as soon as the door started opening, it was suddenly shoved open, hard, the door escaping from his grip, and then it was slammed shut again behind the intruder. Rough hands grabbed his wrists and held them fast behind his back so he was unable to fight back.

"_You._" He hissed, anger and fear causing his eyes to tear up.

"Who else?" The voice chuckled, a sound Loki had grown to hate. A swift kick to the backs of his legs forced him to the floor, the hold on his wrists still tight.

"What the _hell_ do you want?" His wrists were transferred to one hand and he heard the ripping sound of… _duct tape_? He'd guessed its purpose even before it was tightly wrapped around his wrists, leaving them trapped behind him, and leaving Hugh's hands free. Free to deal a swift backhand to Loki's cheek, leaving his head reeling.

"What do you _think_ I want, hmm? I _know_ that you know what happened with that _bitch_; I saw them all leaving here. She wouldn't cooperate. But they're all gone, Loki. You're all _alone_. I could do _anything_…" He pulled out a small knife. Grabbing Loki's hair, he jerked his head back so they were looking in each others eyes, and pressed the blade gently to Loki's throat.

"Don't think I won't do it, Loki. Now… do be a dear and suck me off. For old times' sake. If you don't… hmm… what shall I do?" He paused as if thinking. "Ahh, yes. Did I mention that I actually _know_ your father? I do, and all it'll take is one _word_ from me… one _mention_ that you're a cockslut whore who enjoys writhing beneath multiple men as they take you like the worthless piece of ass you are… whether it's true or not, who's to say? And even if it isn't… don't you think your _dear old daddy_ will go into a blind rage at the mere suggestion? I'd hate to be you in that position… _but_… you do have a way out. I'm giving you options, now… _Make. Your. Choice_." He all but hissed in Loki's ear. He could feel the other man trembling now, could hear the shallow breathing, and pressed the blade closer to the pale skin of Loki's neck.

"Don't keep me waiting. Or is that what you want? Do you want to wait until _Tony_ gets back here to rescue you? I wouldn't do that if I were you… unless you want him to share the same fate…" At this, Loki jerked his head and gasped out a strangled cry as the blade barely cut into the skin. _No. Not Tony, I'll… I'll do it._ He hung his head in defeat and Hugh grinned wildly.

"That's what I thought." And he set to work. Loki closed his eyes tightly, the tears pouring down his face as he tried to think about how the past two months could have led to this. Led to Loki gasping and choking for air on his knees, his own spit and tears running down his face and neck, hands secured behind his back tightly.

"_Worthless. Disgusting. Nothing._" Every word brought another rough trust as Hugh mercilessly fucked himself on Loki's mouth, hands tangled in the long black hair that was now a knotted mess. Hugh didn't notice the door bursting open, he only grunted deeply as he came, buried in Loki's throat, bringing a palm to Loki's face with a resounding slap. The slap was so startling to Loki that he swallowed a little and immediately started gagging, spitting the cock out of his mouth, along with the rest of the semen. It mixed with strands of his spit and pooled on the floor in front of him as he looked down, his tear-streaked cheeks burning a deep red from shame and disgust.

"You are _nothing_, do you hear that, Loki Odinson? You never were and you never will be, understand?" Hugh drew back around to deliver one last kick to Loki's back that left him to collapse in the mix of spit, semen, blood, and tears, before shoving past the frozen figure by the wide-open door and making his escape.

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Tony was rooted to the spot until jostled by Hugh's shoulder as he ran. He extended an arm and softly shut the door before making his way across the room to where Loki was sprawled on the floor. He reached down to Loki, and pulled him up, slipping his shoulder under one of the taller man's arms to support him. Loki's tears were completely silent, but continued to flood down his face as Tony led him back to the bathroom. He lowered him into a sitting position and dug around in the linen closet for a couple of washcloths and towels. Wetting one of the washcloths, he raised it to Loki's neck to wash away some of the crusting blood. It wasn't bleeding freely anymore, the cut wasn't deep at all, and for that he was grateful. He made his way to Loki's face, gently wiping away the tracks of salty tears and the specks of saliva and sticky white that flecked his chin and mouth. He shuddered to think of what happened before he got there, but he kept going, whispering quietly to Loki that everything was ok now.

After he was done, he just sat there and held Loki in his arms. They sat there for what seemed like hours and Tony would've said Loki was asleep except for the fact that he saw Loki's eyes wide open, spilling fresh sets of tears every now and then.

"How much did you see?" The man in his arms croaked, voice sounding hurt and desperate and so unlike anything Tony had ever heard before.

"I… enough," Tony admitted, "I got back in time to see… to… see him…" He faltered, unsure of how to continue. _To see him use you, come in your mouth, and leave you like a cheap prostitute._ But Loki seemed to understand and simply nodded.

"I'll kill him." Tony whispered angrily. Loki's shoulders shuddered with the effort of more tears and nodded again. Tony's words and the implication of them echoed through him. Tony had _seen_, yet still tried to comfort him as if he wasn't worthless. As if he _wasn't_ nothing. Loki curled his hand in Tony's tear-stained shirt, pulling him closer and lost himself to the exhausted sleep that washed over him from his drained emotions, headache, and tears. And Tony simply let him.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Tony woke up early the next morning; one of few times he would rise before Loki. But, he had a purpose and as he knocked on Steve Rogers' door, he couldn't possibly be more awake than he was in that moment. Steve flung the door open, just as determined as Tony and without saying a word, they trekked across campus in a cold mist. Tony never told Steve why he was joining him, didn't feel like it was his place to tell, but Steve wasn't about to turn down help in kicking this… this _monster's_ ass.

Normally, the smell of fresh coffee would calm Tony down, but in this instance, it only egged him on as the two of them walked briskly to the ordering counter.

"Hello, what can I ge—,"

"Is Hugh Muninn here?" Tony snapped while Steve looked at the barista with an apologetic expression.

"No, he no longer works here actually." She responded coolly.

"_What_? Since when?"

"Since last night when he stopped by and told us that he was leaving town. Didn't even give his two weeks… which means _I_ had to cover his shift this morning…" She grumbled and Tony just waved his hand at her.

"Yeah, _yeah_, we get it, lady. He's a prick and pissed everyone off. Question is- where can we find him?"

"I don't know…"

"Oh, _please_… don't you guys have addresses, phone numbers, things like that in the office or something?"

"I can't give out that information, sir…" She turned away, becoming disinterested.

"_Bullshit_!" Tony gripped the edge of the counter so tight his knuckles were white.

"Tony," Steve warned, "Excuse me, miss, I apologize for my friend here," ever the polite one, "but if there was anything you knew that could help us… anything at all… we'd really appreciate it. See… This…" he struggled with the words," _sad_ excuse for a human being… he did something to _really_ hurt one of our frie—,"

"_Two_." Tony growled, having a hard time keeping it together. Steve looked at him with concern and question but Tony's eyes were glued to the counter. It all made sense now, why Tony was so eager to join him this morning. Steve continued when he realized Tony wasn't going to elaborate any further.

"Then… he really hurt _two_ of our friends. And we want to know how to find him if we have to… uh… take it to the police." Tony's head snapped up at this. Steve Rogers _never_ lied, but Tony knew he did just now. This caught the barista's attention.

"Yeah, he just kinda shit on a lot of people, excuse my language. But what did he do that's worthy of taking to the authorities, hmm?" She asked, accusingly, almost as if she caught the lie too. Tony knew better; she just wanted all the dirt on her ex-coworker.

"Ahh… well… see…" Steve's cheeks were turning pink trying to explain, "He… he tried to… uh… sexually assault… this girl we know," Steve's voice became almost a whisper and the barista's eyes grew wide, "And… uhm… Tony? The other…" Steve looked to his friend for help, not knowing anything about this other friend Tony had mentioned.

"He… he _did_ force my friend." Tony breathed out, and not wanting to reveal more than necessary to get information of Hugh's whereabouts.

"You mean… he _raped_ her?" The barista asked quietly, eyes wider still. Tony wasn't about to correct her, _him… he raped him_, but as soon as she said the word, he knew the truth in it. Within a few seconds Tony was reliving last night. From when he threw open the door and saw Loki, hands tied and on his knees, gagging in front of Hugh Muninn… to the words, _you are nothing, do you hear that, Loki Odinson, you never were and you never will be_… to Loki's frightened and pained eyes, shaking limbs, and the tears. Loki hadn't wanted any of that, that much had been obvious to Tony. He couldn't speak, so he just nodded. Steve brought a hand to his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"_Oh my god_," the girl whispered, "Ok. Tell you what… An older man came in earlier this morning, talking on his phone while trying to order, which is _really_ rude, by the way… anyway, I overheard his side of the conversation. He kept addressing the person he was talking to as Muninn, so I assumed he knew Hugh. Only reason I remember is 'cause the name he gave for his coffee was weird… Odin? I didn't get a last name, but really, how many Odins are there around? So I guess… find him and you can find Hugh? Sorry, that's the best I can do…" Tony's eyes nearly popped out of his head. Steve didn't miss this reaction, and he moved his hand from Tony's shoulder so it was firmly gripping his upper arm.

"We thank you very much… you've been a big help. I'm sorry about… all of this." Steve started leading Tony away, but not before the other man took out a $10 and set it in the tip jar with a muttered "Thanks".

The light mist had picked up into an actual rain by this point and as soon as the door closed behind them, Steve turned to Tony, his hand still on the other's arm.

"Tony, what were you talking about in there?"

"Steve… I… I can't tell you. It's not my place. I'm sorry." Steve nodded.

"Ok. Tony, I trust you. I'm not going to make you tell me, but what does Thor's dad have to do with this?"

"I… I don't know." Tony replied honestly, but he got a bad feeling in his stomach. If Odin was in town _and_ was talking with Muninn… what the hell could this mean?

"But, hey, Steve? I think I should probably get back though… I want to make sure that… Loki's doing ok." Steve nodded again and, was that… understanding? Tony didn't realize that Steve was more perceptive than he though, and by the mere mention of Loki's name, Steve had a pretty good idea of who the other person in the situation was.

"Ok, Tony, I'm going to call up Thor and see if I can get anything from him. I'll talk to you later if I find anything." They parted ways and Tony, lost in thought, slowly made his way back to his dorm room.

_Loki was raped_. He had seen it happen. He was there. He could've stopped him. He could've… _No, Tony, you couldn't have… he was already done by the time you got there._ He could've ran after him. _And then what? Left Loki there on his own to deal with the aftermath…? Some friend that would be. _But was he really that much better, letting Hugh get away? They needed to find him. _He_ needed to find him. He needed a drink.


	13. Chapter 12

****Warning: self-harm

**Chapter 12**

Loki had been awake when Tony left to find Steve. He couldn't sleep. Almost didn't want to. He was afraid of what he would see behind his closed eyes. So he was awake when his phone rang. He ignored it but when it rang again a few minutes later, he grumbled to himself and answered without looking at the name on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Loki." He knew this voice, even though he hadn't heard it since that night before he moved out.

"Father…?" He asked, confused.

"Loki, I'm at your door, let me in." A lump immediately formed in his throat. At his door? Here, on campus? Loki ended the call and sprinted to the door before opening it cautiously.

It was, indeed, Odin on the other side. For a second, the older man looked unsure, but upon catching sight of his younger son, Odin's confident air returned so Loki thought the previous expression was a figment of his imagination.

"Uhm… please… come in?" Loki was hesitant, no doubt about it; Odin was hardly the type of person to drop in unannounced no matter what the reason. "Here, have a seat…" He added, leading the way into the living room.

"No need, I'll be brief." That's when Loki noticed that his father would not look at him. This behavior was so unlike how Loki had ever seen him before… so unlike their last encounter, and that was enough to worry him.

"Loki, I've been in contact with one of my… acquaintances. He informed me of your less than savory habits while here. Is it true you were… with a man?" _Ah… so this again, of course._

"I… I had a boyfriend but he—,"

"I expressly _told_ you to get over this fascination of yours, Loki," He cut the younger man off and finally looked at his son. "And yet you continue to disobey me..." He paused briefly, thinking. "A _boy_friend you say? Well, you know that just won't do. But I'm tired, Loki. I'm tired of constantly fighting with you over this."

"Father…?" Loki spoke softly, questioningly. What was going on?

"No, Loki. Not anymore." He looked away and started back for the door. Loki followed and wildly grabbed for his arm but was only met with a rough shove that sent him scrambling into the kitchen counter, clutching at anything to keep him upright. He accidentally grabbed the sharp blade of a cutting knife somebody (probably Tony) had left out a few days ago. His eyes searched for something in Odin's, ignoring the blood that was gathering at the cut in his hand. Searched for something that would make this right… uncertainty or doubt? But Odin's eyes flashed cold and indifferent as he paused at the door.

"You would not listen to me, Loki. I am no longer your father and you are not my son. You are not worthy of your home or your family. Unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed by your vile habit. I cast you out."

"Please, Father… _please_…" Loki breathed quietly, his ears ringing, his world seeming to crash down upon him.

"No, Loki." Odin's harsh response was met with the closing of the door, leaving Loki leaning on the kitchen counter staring at the space his father had occupied. He swallowed thickly as his brain tried to catch up with what had happened.

"_Unworthy_," He whispered. "_Nothing_," He looked back at the palm of his hand, blood running from the cut and dripping down to his wrist. "_Disgusting_," He picked up the knife from where he'd dropped it. If he were being honest, he hadn't even felt it at first when the blade cut his skin; he was too focused on the words his father_ (no… not anymore_, he reminded himself) had been saying to him. The past 24 hours flashed through his mind in a matter of seconds. Hugh's grip in his hair. The sting of a slap to the cheek. The ache in his jaw from being forced open. The coughing and gagging and being kicked to the floor. The evil glint in Hugh's eyes. The indifference in Odin's as he watched his son's heart break.

"_Worthless_," Loki said through gritted teeth as the blade sank into his skin for the second time. "_Nothing_," And again. "_Nothing_," And again. Three perfectly straight lines of blood across the inside of his left forearm to match the cut on his hand, and there might've been more if the sudden awareness of tears streaking down his face hadn't startled him. He blinked them away and walked to the bathroom. Tony had left the washcloths out from last night and Loki took the already bloody one and used it to clean up his arm and hand a bit.

He smiled bitterly as he watched the bleeding slow and eventually come to a stop. He only stopped to change into a long sleeved shirt before curling back up into bed, forgetting about the stained knife and counter in the kitchen. His thoughts overtook him and he eventually drifted to sleep, exhausted and numb.

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Tony got back around lunch time. He checked on Loki first, surprised to see that he was still in bed, and completely unaware that he had actually been up and had only just returned to his bed an hour or so ago. Not having eaten anything all day, he went back out to the kitchen to rummage in the cupboards for something to eat. Biting into a handful of pretzel rods, he turned to fill a glass with water and that's when he noticed the knife and the counter and froze.

He shoved the rest of the pretzels into his mouth, chugged a mouthful of water, and rushed back to where Loki was sleeping. He sank down onto the edge of the bed and hesitated before setting a hand on Loki's shoulder and shaking him lightly.

"Loki? Hey… Loki are you ok?" He asked quietly as Loki blinked the sleep from his eyes. They felt fuzzy and heavy.

"Hmm? Tony?" The sleepy slur of words almost made Tony laugh. Almost. Instead he cut to the chase.

"Yeah? Loki, I saw the knife out there… the blood. What the hell happened?" He didn't sound angry, but concerned and that made Loki feel bad and angry for not cleaning up his mess so Tony wouldn't find it.

"Oh. You know me, I accidentally cut my hand," He showed Tony his bandaged palm, "I was doing some dishes and it must've slipped…" He trailed off and looked at Tony who gently took his hand and ran his thumb over the covered cut.

"Ah… Ok. Um… Do you need anything?"

"Sleep, Tony… I need sleep." He lied, unable to stand the way Tony was looking at him now.

"Alright, Loki. You know where to find me if you do need anything. Please… ask, ok?" With that, Tony grabbed his guitar from the corner and left the room, closing the door on the way out. Even with the door closed, Loki could hear the soft music filling the other room and he sighed. He had cried so much the past two days that no tears came, so he curled into his blankets tighter. The fingertips of his right hand brushed over the lines of dried blood on his arm and he bit his lip. _Why is he doing this? Why does he care? Tony…_ He could hear the music but not the words the other man was singing, and Tony tried to avoid any of the sadder songs he could play, just in case.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

A few days later Tony, Loki, Steve, and Thor sat in a booth at a restaurant getting lunch. Or… everyone else was eating and Loki was picking at his food. It was an unusually warm day for the beginning of November, and while the other men sat in shorts and t-shirts, Loki wore long pants and a sweater. Tony was trying to explain some technological advancement to Steve and Thor, who just weren't getting it, and Loki sat in silence staring out the window.

"Brother, cheer up! You're amongst friends! And take off that god-awful sweater; it must be a thousand degrees in here!" Loki's head jerked up at the interruption and he narrowed his eyes.

"No, _brother_, if it were literally a thousand degrees in here, we'd all cease to be alive. I'm perfectly comfortable, _thank you_." He spoke icily. It was probably the longest string of words Tony had heard him say since… well, before. A few minutes of awkward silence passed with Loki back to staring out the window and Thor studying his brother intently before he spoke again.

"Loki, what did you do to your face? How can one person possibly be clumsy enough to gain that many bruises? And your neck? And your hand?" His forehead creased and then he chuckled, "And you call me a klutz… yet somehow you manage to hurt yourself in the strangest ways…" Thor turned back to his food and just shook his head, a smile still on his face. If looks could kill, he would be dead. Loki shot daggers at him with his eyes while Tony looked at Loki in concern, his hand moving under the table to grab Loki's hand from his lap, interlocking their fingers. Steve glanced between Tony and Loki before settling on Tony. Thor was unaware of all this as he ate, looking at his food and obviously not bothered by the tension that instantly fell upon them.

"You'd do best to not speak of things you know next to nothing about, _Thor_." Loki was seething. Tony squeezed his hand lightly, causing Loki to turn his head and look at Tony. His expression softened briefly before returning to what it was a moment before as he looked back to Thor. "You know what? I'm leaving. Tony?"

Tony slid out of the booth to let Loki out. Thor saw their hands then and if he thought Tony's other hand lingered too long as he brushed his fingers against Loki's back and shoulder, he didn't say anything to either of them. Nor did he say anything when Loki doubled back to lay some cash on the table before Tony shook his head, placed the money back in Loki's hand, and murmured "No, don't worry about it Loki… I've got it."

With Loki gone, the other three took over the awkward silence. Tony was the one to break it.

"Thor… seriously… do you have no sense of tact or common sense or _anything_?" He didn't sound angry, just disappointed.

"Stark, what are you—,"

"No, Thor. It is not my place to tell you anything Loki doesn't want you to know, but I swear to _god_ if you bring this up to him again, I will talk to Jane and—,"

"Ok, ok, ok! I get it, I won't breathe another word!" Thor interrupted him, not particularly wanting to hear where his threat was going.

"Ok, good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd probably better get going," He laid a $20 on the table. "Tell the waitress this is for mine and Loki's and to keep the change. After he left, it was just Steve and Thor sitting in uncomfortable silence.

"Rogers…"

"Yeah, Thor?"

"Did I do something wrong? I don't know why Loki's so angry with me."

"Well… did you ever consider that… maybe… possibly… all that wasn't an accident?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ahh… just that… maybe it wasn't… maybe Loki didn't do all that to himself." He sounded hesitant and Thor did not miss that.

"Steve Rogers. What do you know?" Thor rumbled. His voice was low and while not quite menacing, the warning was still there.

"I… nothing, Thor, nothing. Not really anyway. Look. All I know is that Loki was dating someone and recently it ended badly. And I don't want to alarm you or anything, but remember how I was asking about that Muninn guy a few days ago? I… I think it was him." Thor blanched and Steve was about to speak again but was cut off by the shattering coffee mug as Thor slammed it into the table. The few other diners turned to stare but Thor just set to sopping up the spilled drink from the table, color returning to his face before becoming an angry shade of red.

"Woah, there big guy… I said 'think'… _think_. I'm not a hundred percent sure… and I don't know if we _can_ be, but Tony… I think he's working on it. Loki's in good hands and—,"

"What of it? Stark and my brother… are they…?"

"Thor, you know Tony's dating Pepper. Though for how much longer, I have no idea. Personally, I agree with you. I think there's something going on there, _but_… but neither of them knows it yet. Just… leave it though. Don't push it or say anything about it, because you know they'll both deny it. We'll just see where it goes." He trailed off and to his surprise, Thor nodded.

"Aye, aye, Captain," He smiled but it was too forced, "I thank you for telling me." They sat and finished their lunch in relative silence, both men lost in their own thoughts- Steve thinking about Loki and Tony and the implications there, and Thor thinking about his brother and how much things had changed since they were young.

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Tony didn't head straight back home after leaving the restaurant. He made a quick run to Starbucks first. Once he had a vanilla latte in hand, he rushed back to discover that Loki was nowhere to be found. If the past week hadn't happened, he wouldn't have been worried, but now the fact that Loki was out and about, on his own… he might've freaked out a little. He pulled out his phone and called Loki's, holding his breath as he waited for a response. Loki picked up on the second ring and sounded exhausted when he spoke.

"Yes, Stark? What do you want?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm… why does it matter to you?" He knew what Loki was doing. Putting up a wall to try and distance him… to protect himself.

"_Jesus_, Loki, it matters because you scared me. I'm worried about you… please. Tell me where you are." He could hear Loki's sigh on the other end.

"I'm at the music building. Playing piano. But I—,"

"Ah, ah, ah! Loki, stay put ok, I'll be over there in a minute." He didn't catch Loki's response as he hung up, grabbed the coffee, and practically ran out the door.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

And he _literally_ ran there. Granted, it wasn't all that far, just a little way down the street from his dorm building, but when he arrived on the third floor of the music building where the practice rooms were, he was completely out of breath and his lungs were burning. He walked slowly down the hallway, looking in each of the windows to find where Loki was. When he saw a figure with shoulder length, black hair that curled out at the ends, he paused to regain his composure before knocking softly at the door. Loki didn't look up from the piano keys so Tony let himself in and closed the door behind him.

"Um… here. I got you this." Tony said, setting the coffee on top of the upright piano. Loki made no response, although Tony noticed him wringing his hands together in his lap. He felt bad for apparently making the other man nervous.

"So, I uh… I told him off after you left. Thor, I mean. Told him to butt out and it wasn't his business…" He wasn't expecting a response, to be honest, so when he was met with an obviously fake chuckle, he was caught a little off guard.

"_My hero_…" Loki said sarcastically, "Why don't you take a leaf out of your own book, hmm, Stark? Maybe _you_ should butt out. _Maybe_ this is none of _your_ business." He all but hissed.

"It became my business when—,"

"When _what_, exactly Stark?" He asked with a sigh, not liking where this conversation was heading, especially with how frustrated Tony was becoming.

"When that _no-good, piece of shit, sick bastard_ took advantage of my best friend in our _living room_, Loki, that's when! And in _front_ of me! I was fucking _there_ and couldn't do a _damn_ thing to stop him!" Tony's voice had been rising and he hadn't noticed till now. He paused for a few seconds to try and calm down. Loki's expression softened at this as he turned to face his friend and this caused Tony to lower his voice again. "It's my business because I want to help you, Loki, and I don't know how to help if you won't fucking _talk_ to me!" He leaned back against the door, looking at the ground. It felt like hours passed rather than minutes, and he just wished Loki would say something… anything.

"Do you remember that morning this summer… I called you and woke you up… a little before 9 I think it was?" Loki spoke slowly and softly. Tony nodded and moved to sit down next to Loki on the piano bench. Loki swallowed, searching for the courage to go on. He found it when Tony gripped his shaking hands and when he scooted closer so their shoulders and legs were touching.

"I, uh… I called so early that morning because I couldn't sleep and I… I just needed to get my mind off of… things." He trailed off, memories washing over him.

"What _things_, Loki?" Tony asked hesitantly, not wanting to scare Loki off now that he was beginning to open up.

"The night before, Clint was helping me with the futon for our dorm. And then… my father…" He paused before continuing, "no… _Odin_… came home and saw him. Clint left quickly and Odin, he came out to the garage and… he hit me. Remember all those bruises you saw on Skype afterwards? I said they were from the shelves I fell into… well… technically they were from that. But he shoved me into them and left…" Tony didn't say anything, just raised one of his hands to rest in the middle of Loki's back, using the other to squeeze his friends hands reassuringly. Loki pressed closer to Tony slightly and went on.

He spilled everything. Once he started, it was almost like he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop because he might not be able to start again. He told Tony about the night Odin interrupted their Skype conversation the day before moving out, about that first date with Hugh, about the small comments Hugh made that made Loki feel like his opinions didn't matter, about that night around Halloween when Tony had found Loki sleeping in the living room again, and finally about what happened just before Tony walked in. Finally he told about his last visit with Odin, but excluding what happened once he was alone. He felt like he'd been talking for hours and Tony just sat there listening, occasionally rubbing his hand across Loki's back. The room fell silent and Loki wished more than anything that the other man would say something… say _anything_.

The tears that were pooling in his eyes now began to fall as he imagined the worst. _He's so disgusted with me that he can't even speak, can't even look at me. _Just when he was about to apologize and make a run for it, Tony spoke.

"Thank you," He whispered and it made the breath catch in Loki's throat. "Thank you for trusting me and telling me this… _Loki_, I'm sorry." Loki was about to protest but Tony shook his head and continued. "I'm sorry… I should've been paying attention more. I should've known… I should've been there for you."

"No. Stark. You can't have known. There was nothing you could've done… when I don't want anybody knowing my feelings, they _don't_ know; I'm a master at hiding my emotions from others… well… I _was_ anyway." He said with a bitter smile. "I'm sorry for burdening yo—,"

"_Don't_, Loki." Tony growled, turning his head to face Loki but the other man just stared at his knees in silence. Removing his hand from Loki's, Tony brought it up to Loki's cheek, his thumb tracing over his chin. He gently turned Loki's face to his. They were sitting so close together anyway and now their noses were mere inches apart.

"Loki, you are my best friend, I care about you so much. Don't _ever_ apologize for telling me whatever bad things are going on in your life, because I want to help you… even if that means just me being here to listen."

Loki felt Tony's breath on his face, on his slightly parted lips as the room suddenly seemed charged with electricity. His eyes flickered down to Tony's mouth for a second before returning to his eyes and if the other man noticed, he didn't say anything. He didn't move either, just held Loki's face close to his; his eyes filled with concern and… something else… possibly, but… _no, there's no way._ A thumb brushed a runaway tear from his cheek and Loki felt himself lean into the touch as he closed his eyes.

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Tony felt the atmosphere in the room change. He saw the pain and sadness in bright green eyes, glistening with tears. What he wouldn't do to chase it all away. He caught the green eyes flicker down his face for only a second- so quick he was sure he'd imagined it. He wiped a stray tear from Loki's cheek and Loki shifted into his hand slightly. Tony watched as his friend closed his eyes before closing his own and drifting forward himself. Loki's breath mixed with his and then Pepper's smiling face flashed in his mind. He jerked back quickly, eyes wide and _holy shit I almost just kissed my best friend, what the fuck?!_

"Play me something!" Tony said too loudly, almost yelling. Loki's eyes flew open and was that…_ disappointment? No, couldn't be…_

"What?" Loki asked, confused.

"Uh… play me something," he repeated, softer this time, and he pressed his fingers down on random keys on the piano.

"What would you like to hear?" He'd never actually played for anybody before and even though it was just Tony, he was nervous.

"What are you working on? What do you know? Surprise me!" Tony was relieved that what could have been an awkward situation was seemingly unnoticed by the other man. Loki sat thinking for a moment before pushing up the sleeves of his sweater so they wouldn't get in the way of his hands. He suddenly remembered the scabs that hadn't fully healed yet and quickly pulled them back down so Tony wouldn't see.

The song started simply enough; the piano riff in the original was something he'd loved since the first time he heard the song. He was only reminded of it when he heard it again just before classes started. He decided to learn it the day following Hugh's first assault. Softly singing the words to "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie as he played, he was only slightly aware of Tony's gaze on him through the duration of the song. When he'd finished, Tony startled him with a quick hug.

"Loki, that was beautiful. And sad. Very sad. I… I want to help you. _Please_, let me help you. I'm always here for you, no matter what…" He pulled away before Loki got a chance to hug him back, so Loki just gave a small smile.

"I know." He spoke so softly that Tony just barely heard him. Loki stood, grabbing the previously forgotten and now cold coffee off the piano, and led Tony out the door and back towards their dorm room.

"_Thank you_."


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

That night, they got drunk. Or, more like, Loki got drunk quickly because he's still not used to the amount of alcohol Tony Stark consumes and he should know by now not to try to keep up, while Tony merely got just beyond tipsy. They had unfolded the futon so they could lie out and watch funny movies and after finishing the first movie and a large bowl of popcorn, Tony broke out the alcohol. Loki went along with it much quicker than he normally would have, and Tony figured that was probably because of the emotionally exhausting past week.

In retrospect, Loki would admit that he probably should've stopped drinking when his fingers started feeling tingly and his head started feeling too heavy to hold up on his own. They say hindsight is 20/20, but when Tony offered another drink towards the end of the second film, he simply nodded and had his fourth mixture of… he didn't even know, whatever Tony was making for them. They didn't talk much, the movies kept them too distracted for that, but even then Loki wasn't paying much attention to them. All he could think of was the heat radiating from Tony's body, so close to him, and every once in a while they'd bump elbows or feet and he'd mumble an apology.

He became frustrated. They'd been close since the moment they met each other, so why was it awkward between them now? Shouldn't the alcohol be making it _less_ awkward? What was that in the practice room earlier when they could've almost kissed? Loki could still feel the tension. He could feel Tony's breath on his lips and Tony's hand on his cheek. Loki downed the rest of what was in his glass and turned to Tony, mumbling. Tony cocked his head to the side and asked him to repeat what he'd said.

"_Iloveyou_." Loki blurted out, slurring every word together. He tried his best to focus his eyes on Tony's face… to gauge his reaction to the confession, but that wasn't working out to his favor. The other man just chuckled and said, "I know," with an arrogant smirk on his face. No, Tony wasn't drunk, not really near there in fact, just tipsy enough to have a little more fun.

He'd actually never been with a drunken Loki before. That's not to say his roommate never drank around him, but he would usually stop at one or two drinks, so Tony was thrilled to finally discover what kind of drunk Loki would be. Whatever he was expecting, it certainly wasn't the two hands that scrambled for his face, roughly gripping his neck just under his ears. Nor was it the sloppy, wet kiss that resulted when Loki pulled their faces together too quickly, barely avoiding crashing their noses into each other.

Tony was startled at first. He leaned into the kiss before realizing _oh my god this is actually happening, what?_ He gently pushed Loki back, careful not to send him lurching over the edge of the futon mattress. Loki looked confused for a few seconds before he burst into a fit of giggles.

"Woaahhh there, buddy. Methinks you've had just a _bit_ too much to drink, hmm? Time to sleep, yes? Let's get you to the bathroom first…" He chuckled and helped Loki stand and tried to lead him to the bathroom.

"Nahh, lemme go by myself…" Loki said a little loudly and took a few steps before stumbling into the wall. When Tony stepped closer, he shooed him away and just leaned against the wall all the way to the toilet. He gathered their dishes and set them in the sink before putting the alcohol back in the cupboards. He switched off the movie and went to grab some pillows. By this point, Loki was already stumbling his way back down the hallway.

When he got to the bed, he fell in. Literally. His arms and legs stretched in every direction and he sighed contentedly, sinking into the mattress. Tony got back with a couple of pillows and he took in the sight of Loki, and how there was not a space on the futon large enough to fit him too. He shook his head and laughed.

"Hey, Sweetheart, you gonna let me sleep here too? How about you slide on over and let me have this half?" He joked. Loki made a disgruntled moan and without lifting his head or really any other part of his body, he did, indeed, _slide_ over to the left, using his hands as a pillow. This caused Tony to bark out a laugh before he handed a pillow to Loki, who promptly laid it on top of his head. Tony grinned and laid himself down on the right side of the other man, pulling a couple of blankets over both of them. It was just before 5:00 in the morning.

Loki was asleep within moments. The silence gave a still mostly-sober Tony time to think. His lips tingled as he remembered the almost-kiss from earlier and the actual kiss from now. He _knew_ that Loki didn't think of him _that_ way and even if he did… then what? He was dating Pepper Potts. He was straight. _Loki had too much to drink tonight, that's all… it was nothing_. He lifted his head and looked at Loki's pillow, with long black hair fanning out beneath it. Tony rolled over onto his side to face Loki and he inched closer. He thought he understood what Loki had meant… that he needed a friend and loved Tony for being one… that he needed comfort and loved Tony for providing that. Tony loved Pepper, but his friend needed him, and besides… he'd always been a touchy-feely guy. So… _just for this moment_, he thought, curling himself around Loki and thought about Pepper as he eventually fell asleep.

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The thing was… Loki wasn't asleep and he wouldn't be for a while. He remembered the movies they watched. He remembered drinking a lot (too much) and trying to say something. _But what?_ He remembered Tony's laugh, _but what caused it?_ He _didn't_ remember how he managed to get to the bathroom on his own, but he _did_ know that it felt amazing to flop down on the mattress and not be standing anymore.

When Tony told him to scoot over, he grumbled but complied and was instantly met with a warm body in very close proximity to his. Luckily for him, his head was buried in his arms underneath the pillow because all of a sudden, every nerve in his body seemed to be on fire. All he could hear was Tony's breathing and the shifting of the sheets whenever Tony moved even the slightest bit. Loki was frozen in place, not moving a muscle.

He lay there, completely still, for god knows how long, he sure didn't. It felt like hours. He could feel his pulse finally starting to calm down as he tried to breathe deeper through his nose, which was becoming increasingly less comfortable as the air staled underneath the pillow. That's when he felt it. A leg shifted to rest against his. Tony's right arm curled around his and a set of fingers intertwined with his. In his drunken state, he couldn't make sense of it… he could feel the other's skin touching him but the sensation was so far away, so distant that he wasn't 100% sure he understood that he _was_ being touched.

Then Tony's left hand dropped to rest on his right hip. It stayed there for a moment before the fingers slowly slipped under the hem of his shirt, brushing the hot skin underneath. The hand slid up towards his shoulders a little bit before laying out flat against his lower back. Loki felt disgusting. The blankets were too much. The pillow was too much. The skin on skin contact… was too much. He was covered in sweat; his hair suddenly seemed too greasy and clung to the back of his neck and shoulders, feeling sticky. His mouth was dry and the air under the pillow was so stale, he felt almost like he was suffocating. He could hear his heartbeat ringing through his ears and try as he might, he could not will his body to relax in the slightest. He'd never experienced a panic attack before, but _this is it_, he thought.

He slid his left leg out from under the blankets in an attempt to cool down. It helped slightly, even more-so when he slowly shifted the pillow off his head, onto his shoulders so he could breathe again. The cool air of the room felt incredible, although his heart would not calm down.

Eventually it did, however, and he was able to sleep a bit. When he woke up he felt completely refreshed, like it was the best sleep he'd ever gotten. He was still covered in a layer of sweat, as if he'd just woken up from a high fever and it broke while he was sleeping. Looking at his watch, he groaned inwardly. 6:25AM. _What in the hell_…

Every place his skin was in contact with Tony's felt like it was on fire. He had to get out. Moving at a glacial pace, so not to wake the other man up with his movement, he slid his legs out onto the floor. Tony stirred in his sleep and Loki stopped, like a deer caught in the headlights. When Tony continued to snore softly, Loki made a break for it, just like ripping off a band-aid. He sat up on the very edge of the mattress and just before he stood, an arm wrapped around his waist, holding him back, while the other hand gripped at his arm.

"Nooo, what are you doing? Stay…" The voice whined sleepily. Loki shrugged him off.

"I have to go to the bathroom." He stated firmly, his heartbeat still too fast, and he worried that Tony could somehow feel it. He fled the room and made for the bathroom, because he did actually have to go, but also because he couldn't stay out in the living room. He looked at himself in the mirror. _Disgusting_, he thought as he pulled his greasy hair off his neck into a pony tail. He splashed his face with water in an effort to at least try to get some of the sweat and oil off. Feeling a little freshened up, he didn't even consider going back out to the futon with Tony.

There was no way he was going to be able to sleep now. Even though his heart and breathing had finally calmed down and he no longer felt like he was burning up, his mind was racing. He then did what he did best and sat in his bed, grabbed a book and immersed himself in it, completely unaware of the man in the other room.


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"Hey… are you… did I do something wrong?" Loki, immersed in his book, hadn't noticed Tony standing at the doorway for the past five minutes while he worked up the courage to ask. Tony had been confused and then hurt when Loki never came back to the futon that morning.

"What are you talking about?" Loki knew exactly what he was talking about, but didn't want to admit to anything, so he just kept staring at the same words in his book, not absorbing a single one of them.

"Well… you left this morning. You never came back, you… it seemed… are you mad? Did I do something? I'm sorry if I did…"

"No, Stark. You didn't do anything. I was just… wide awake then, and didn't want to keep you up with my reading." He lied. There was no way Tony couldn't tell he was lying. _He_ wouldn't have believed himself this time.

"Oh. Okay… if I _did_ do something… you'd tell me right?"

"Yes, of course." _No_. Loki went back to his reading, aware that Tony hadn't moved an inch from the door but unwilling to acknowledge it in case Tony confronted him about his lie.

"Um… do you… do you remember what happened last night?"

"No, Stark. I remember we got out the alcohol and I remember having 3 drinks. Next thing I know, I'm crawling along the wall to and from the bathroom and then sleeping. Why?"

"Oh… nothing…"

"Well… okay then." With that, he finally left. Loki groaned at himself and put the book down, knowing full well that he wouldn't be able to concentrate now. Tony was putting the futon back into sofa form when Loki walked out into the living area.

"I'm going to practice piano, so ahh… don't worry about me." He said on his way out the door. He was planning on spending most of the day at the music building. The less time he had to be around Tony now, the better, because _what was that?_ There is no way the other man knew he'd basically been cuddling up with Loki, because if he'd been aware… well… he _wouldn't_ have been doing it! But, _ohhh,_ how Loki wanted him to have been doing it on purpose. And why was Tony questioning him so much about the previous night, about what he remembered? He made a mental note to ask him about it later. _Dammit, stop thinking about Tony_!

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He was gone all day. When he arrived back to his dorm, Tony was in the kitchen messing with pots on the stove. He burned his hand on a metal spoon he'd left in one of the pots and he yelped loudly before sticking the burnt skin under the running faucet.

"God_damn_it… That fuckin' hurts. Hey… Loki. You were gone for a while… At the music building that whole time?"

"Yeah… what the hell are you doing, Stark?"

"Ahh… yes. About that. Well. Before you say anything… I'll have you know that I looked up the recipe and followed it _in every form of the word_… and it kinda… became… well… _this_." He gestured at the pans on the stove with his burnt hand and he looked so confused and lost that Loki, try as he might, could not help barking out a laugh. And once he started, he could not stop.

"Oh, hahaha. Ha. Laugh it up all you want but I—,"

"Tony. Tony-tony-tony-tony… You burned rice… _rice_. Look at it… it's pitch black. How does one even _manage_ to do this?" Loki asked incredulously.

"How indeed… This is the _last_ time I try to be nice and make dinner for you…" Tony turned his back to his roommate and dumped the contents of the rice pan into the trash can and Loki just looked at him, confused.

"You… what?"

"I think you heard me. I know you like Chinese food and I know things have been… well… yeah. So… I thought I'd make you dinner. Like I said… last time ever." He tried to sound like he was joking but in reality he was frustrated and a little more than annoyed. He knew Loki hated wasting food, but here he went and burned half the contents of their cupboards in an attempt to impress his friend. He felt bad about it. Why was he trying to impress him anyway? _No, not impress… I just want to make him feel better after all he's been through the past few days…_

A pair of arms circled around his waist from behind and Loki leaned into him so Tony's back was to his chest. The sudden contact startled him, but his body instantly relaxed into the other man's. He felt soft breaths his cheek from Loki's nose and it made him… nervous? No way… but what else could it be? He pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind and almost missed when Loki spoke again.

"_Thank you_."

It was barely above a whisper and Tony knew from the way he said it that Loki meant it with all his heart. He shifted in the loose grip and turned so he was facing the other man before wrapping his own arms around Loki, pulling him closer into a tight hug.

When they parted, Loki's cheeks were bright pink and he silently cursed himself for appearing so obvious. On one hand, he doubted that Tony paid enough attention to the details to figure out what Loki had only recently realized. But then on the other… he felt like he was completely translucent… if Tony couldn't tell… well then maybe he wasn't as intelligent as he'd led everybody to believe. He turned away from Tony quickly and set about finding something to make them for dinner. _Macaroni and Cheese it is then…_

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Starting on Monday, and for the next few days, Loki skipped all of his classes for the first time in his college career so that he could play piano and avoid Tony Stark. His classes were mostly lectures that didn't take attendance, and for the ones that did have an attendance policy, he emailed the professors with some lie about being sick. This was silly, and he knew it, but he didn't know how much more of it he could take. This whole week Tony had been _so_ nice to him… and normally it wouldn't be a problem, but it was the _way_ he was being nice that bothered Loki so much.

The way he was trying to make him dinner. The way he was so comforting; giving him hugs and seeming to make up excuses just to be close to him or touch him. The way he brought home a vanilla latte from Starbucks _every_ day and _refused_ to accept any repayment for it.

What topped the cake, however, was what was awaiting Loki's arrival Thursday evening. He should've known something was going on when he passed Howard Stark on his way up the stairs to his dorm room. The man gave a passing greeting but was obviously in a hurry so Loki didn't bother socializing. When he opened the door and saw what Tony was setting up in the living room, his mouth fell open in surprise.

The expensive-looking keyboard was against the far wall and Tony set up the bench next to it and played a few random notes before noticing Loki behind him.

"Oh… hey! I uh… had dad bring this up… kind of have been wanting to pick it up for a bit now too… also, you know… you could play here if you want instead of being at the music building all the time…" He grinned sheepishly as he handed Loki his latte. Loki thanked him quietly and walked back to his room to think. _What the hell are you doing, Stark?_


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"I don't care _what_ you were going to do; clear your schedule and change into this… chop-chop!" Tony sighed before thrusting a set of clothes at Loki, who weakly protested. He steered Loki to the bathroom and shut the door on him so he figured he'd go along with it… for now anyway. Looking in the mirror, he saw that Tony had given him a pair of black jeans and a dark green sweater. He raked his fingers through his hair and was glad it was at least something with long sleeves. Although the scabs had fallen off, the skin on his arm was still freshly scarred and he knew that Tony would probably notice and make a big deal out of it.

"Mmm, you always do look good in green." Tony hummed when Loki finally emerged from the bathroom.

"Thanks, but Stark? What is all this?" Loki fidgeted.

"You'll see when we get there. Now, come on!" Tony led him out to his car and they drove in silence. It was borderline uncomfortable silence- Tony didn't notice it, but Loki was freaking out on the inside, a little nervous about what Tony was planning.

"Stark, why didn't you just tell me this is what we were doing?" When Tony parked the car in a lot downtown and dragged him to the little Chinese restaurant around the corner, Loki was confused.

"I wanted it to be a surprise?" Tony shrugged and Loki just gave him a look that lasted until after they had sat down and ordered. By then, Loki dropped it and decided he might as well enjoy himself; he was out with his best friend and maybe, just maybe, he could pretend to be more than that… just for tonight of course.

They did have a great time. Joking, laughing, talking… just like they did before all of… this. Until Loki decided it was uncomfortably warm in the restaurant and pushed up his sleeves. It was dark enough in the building that Tony wouldn't be able to see his scars, right? So he thought. Barely five minutes passed before Tony stopped, fork halfway to his mouth, and stared.

"Loki… what's that?" Loki had no idea what he was talking about at first.

"What's _what_, Stark?"

"This…" He reached across the table and lightly traced his fingers down Loki's arm, just above the scars. Loki flinched back, his face red.

"Nothing."

"That's a lie. What happened?"

"I said _nothing_, Stark. Drop it." He all but hissed.

Luckily their food arrived at this time and so the two dropped it and busied themselves with eating. Tony didn't bring it up again, chastising himself for being so thoughtless. It was forgotten soon (though not really) when their conversation turned to less awkward topics and soon they were joking and laughing and having a good time again.

When they had finished and were getting ready to leave, Loki pulled out his wallet to pay for his portion of the meal before Tony stopped him.

"No, Loki, this is my treat!" He winked and took the bill up to the register. Loki followed close behind and suddenly it was like a light bulb flashed on. He knew why Tony was acting this way, and he was pissed. Pissed at Tony for feeling the need to treat him like this, but more pissed at himself. For even hoping that Tony's actions meant something more, and for not realizing his true intentions until now.

He hardly spoke to his friend the whole way home, and when he _had_ to, he was as cold and unforgiving as he could be. Tony was obviously confused. As soon as they closed the door to their dorm room, he confronted Loki about it.

"What the hell, Loki?"

"What, Stark?"

"_You_. One minute we're having a fantastic evening, being best friends, you know? And then the next you're ignoring me and treating me like… well, like _this_! I bought you dinner and now you're acting like I'm your fucking _brother_ or something!" Loki let out a bitter laugh at this.

"Oh yes, you bought me dinner, but nobody made you do that! Nobody's forced you to do _any_ of this stuff, all week, and yet, you did, so here we are. And tonight I finally realized _why_." This did nothing to help Tony's confused state.

"Loki, what are you talking about?" The other man glared at him… man, if looks could kill…

"I'm talking about the fact that you're _only_ acting like… like _this_… because you feel guilty! You feel like it's your fault I got into this mess- you got Hugh's number, you encouraged me to go out with him and keep seeing him, and you didn't stop him after you… walked in on him and…" He faltered, suddenly unable to finish his sentence. As if by him saying it out loud, it would prove that it _did_ happen and he wasn't fully ready to admit that yet. Tony was astounded… he _did_ feel like it was partially his fault, but he had no idea Loki knew he felt that way. Loki gathered his thoughts before speaking again, quieter this time.

"I don't blame you for what happened, at all, Tony. Please know that, and know that you can stop blaming yourself for it. It… it wasn't your fault—,"

"Loki, stop. Yes, I feel a little guilty about all of this. I should've been there, but you know what? I'm here now. And, Loki, that's not the reason I'm doing this. You're my _best friend_… I want to be there for you and I want to _help_ you… to make you feel better. Believe it or not, I care about you, more than you'll probably ever know and not knowing how to help you is _killing_ me. So please… tell me what you want… tell me what you need me to do. _Please_…" Tony interrupted him and the words tumbled out of his mouth. Loki was surprised and didn't know what to do for a moment. But then, _you care… you want to help and to be there… I… I love you._ The thoughts flashed through Loki's mind before stepping closer to Tony.

Loki's lips crashed against his, laced with desperation and hope and Tony leaned into the motion. Tony's hand snaked up Loki's chest before grasping his shoulders tightly, not even once thinking about Pepper. He was too focused on the taste of Loki, the smell of Loki, and how his best friend felt moving against him. It all happened so fast and it was only when Tony felt Loki's tongue seeking entrance into his mouth that he could think clearly enough to realize what was happening. He pulled his head back and used the grip on Loki's shoulders to push the other man back to arms distance away from him.

"What the _hell_, Loki?" He asked for the second time since they got back to their dorm room. Loki looked hurt and confused before settling on embarrassed. His cheeks flushed and he glanced at the floor before returning his gaze to meet Tony's.

"I'm sorry… I… I thought—,"

"Well… you _thought_ wrong." Tony said, his voice flat and not betraying anything he was thinking. As soon as he said it, he wished he could take it back just to get rid of the pained expression on Loki's face. He wished he could have Loki in his arms again, lips moving together, but _what about Pepper, Tony, you have a girlfriend… this is your best friend, what is happening and why are you enjoying it?_ Loki mumbled another quick apology before running out the door, slamming it behind him and leaving Tony standing in the middle of the living room wondering what just happened.

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He didn't have time to wonder for long. Maybe only five minutes passed when Pepper knocked at the door calling his name. _Pepper_. He let her in and as soon as she saw his face, she knew something was going on.

"Tony, don't lie to me, what's wrong?" She looked at him, concern showing in her features. Tony knew he couldn't lie to her… he didn't _want_ to lie to her.

"I… I don't know… I think I just made a mistake." This was going to be hard.

"Come here… just… start at the beginning." And so he did. They sat down on the futon and she held his hand tightly in hers as he told her everything. He didn't go into detail with what Hugh did, just that he had been involved and she seemed to understand. He told her about the almost kiss at the piano, then the real drunken kiss that night. He told her about the whole past week and everything he'd been doing to try and make Loki feel better and then finally about their argument when they got back from the restaurant. He told her about the kiss and what his thoughts were during and immediately following.

He was confused and he told her that. Not once did she change her grip on his hand or pull away. She told him to look at her and when he did he could see the soft expression on her face, like she understood something.

"You love him." She said.

"Well of course I love him, he's my best friend."

"No, Tony. You _love_ him. For all the genius that you are, you're too stupid to realize that you and I… we don't have a connection like you have with Loki. I've been noticing it all year." The way she put it… like it was so _simple_… it surprised him but as soon as she said it, he realized the truth in her words. She squeezed his hand and he sighed.

"I messed up though, Pep… I as good as told him that I didn't want it earlier… just before you got here he ran out…"

"So call him." And he tried. A few seconds later he heard Loki's ringtone coming from the kitchen. _Shit_.

"It's ok… he'll come back…"

"What do I do now? He… he probably thinks I hate him or something…" Pepper smiled. This side of Tony was something he rarely showed to anybody. He seemed so vulnerable, so lost… almost like a child.

"Well…" She thought. "He likes music a lot? Make him a CD full of songs that tell him how you feel about him. _Show_ him that you don't hate him. _Show_ him how you really feel, even if you weren't able to say it before... I'm sure he'll understand." She gave him a tight hug.

"I hope you're right." He breathed into her hair. Then, mainly listening to metal, he asked, "What are some love songs can I use?"

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_Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…_ Loki cursed himself as he fled from the dorm room, down the stairs, and outside. It was raining by now, but he hardly noticed, he just ran. By the time he stopped, he was on the other side of campus and he was soaked. He sat down on a bench and buried his face in his hands; the wet strands of his hair clinging to his face and neck. At least it was dark and raining out, nobody would be able to tell he was crying.

Of course Tony wouldn't want him. Why would he, when he has someone like Pepper? Why would he when he _saw_ what Loki had been made to do? Loki felt disgusting, even more-so for the fact that now he realized he _forced_ himself onto his friend.

This was the last thought he had before he felt the force of something blunt hitting him hard on the back of the head. He gasped and stumbled forward off the bench, rolling onto his back to prevent his nose from crashing into the sidewalk. His vision started to black out, but he could make out the general shape of a person leaning over him and heard the other speaking before he descended into complete darkness.

"I heard your friends were sniffing around at my old work place for me… now that just won't do, will it? Guess I'll have to teach you a lesson, hmm?"


	19. Chapter 18

This is bad. I'm sorry. Violence and non-con in this chapter.

**Chapter 18**

Loki's head was throbbing when he came to and it took him a moment to remember what had happened. A thin black scarf covered his eyes; not so much that he was entirely blind but enough that he couldn't make out specific shapes. He could feel the rain on his face, so he knew he was still outside though where, he didn't know. Trying to stretch his arms out, he realized they were bound behind his back so that his forearms were tied against each other, his hands at the opposite elbows. He tried to stand but stumbled back to the ground, discovering that the other end of the binding on his arms was tied down to a long disused bike rack in the middle of an alleyway.

A soft chuckle alerted him to another's presence, although he suspected he knew who it was. Sure enough, the blindfold was removed and there stood Hugh Muninn, hair dripping across his face and eyes wide with some kind of wild glee. Loki snarled at him although his heart was racing, even more so when Hugh gripped his cheeks roughly with one hand and leaned down so their faces were just inches apart.

"Oh, Loki, when will you learn? You're _no_ match for me. Especially not after your own _father_ offered me money to _break_ you…. Oh, yes, Loki… but he doesn't know that I'm not finished yet…"

Loki jerked himself free from Hugh's grip for a second, the anger at his words fueling him, but that ended quickly as the other man brought a tight fist down into Loki's cheekbone. The force made him cry out and fall on his side, his face landing in a shallow puddle. Hugh grabbed for a handful of long black hair, pulling Loki into a kneeling position once more. He released him for only a moment; long enough for him to tie the thin black scarf again, only this time it was slipped between his teeth to act as a gag.

"Shhh Loki, now isn't that better?" A hand stroked down his cheek before drawing back and slapping him hard across the face. The pain in his cheek doubled and he almost screamed, but the scarf muffled the sound. He almost knew what was going to happen before it actually did, but that still couldn't have prepared him for when he was roughly shoved face-first into the brick wall, still on his knees. Hugh's hand held him there roughly; the brick scraping against his face leaving patches of scratches that he knew were bleeding. It burned but no matter how much the tears pooled in his eyes, he refused to give the other man the satisfaction of his tears. He gritted his teeth hard against the fabric of the scarf and didn't make a sound. That is, until a sharp knife was quickly drawn upward from the bottom hem of his sweater, tearing the material and the skin underneath. He howled in pain as the tattered remains of his shirt were tugged from his body, exposing his torso to the cold and heavy rain.

He shivered unintentionally and his captor chuckled again, hands fast at his own belt. The next thing Loki felt was the sharp sting of leather and metal against his skin as Hugh brought his belt against Loki's back. Again, and again, and again. It was a good thing the gag was in Loki's mouth or he knew he would be tasting blood from the effort to keep from screaming. The whipping stopped for a moment and his back felt raw with the welts. Even though it was still raining on him, he was sure that at least some of the liquid running off his back was blood.

Still, he refused to cry, instead shutting his eyes tighter to keep the tears in. When he didn't feel another touch for a few minutes, he tried to turn around to see what was going on only to receive a swift kick to the back. He could feel the grime from the wet sidewalk coating the fresh wounds, mixing with the blood. The next thing he was a set of hands at the zipper of his pants and he went into survival mode- struggling as hard as he could against the other man. Unfortunately, Hugh was stronger, especially now that Loki was bound and already in pain. His face was once again smashed against the brick wall and he could feel his nose crack and then the slow stream of blood that ran down his lips and chin.

He couldn't hold back his scream that time, even though it was muted due to the gag. He slumped to the ground on his stomach, clenching his jaw tightly around the fabric in order to focus on something, on anything, other than what was being done to him. By this time he knew he couldn't fight back; he couldn't do a damned thing to stop the pain the other man was inflicting upon him. His legs were pulled up so he was on his knees, though his face was still held tightly to the sidewalk. Hugh grinned as he forced Loki's pants and underwear to just below his knees, exposing him to the rain and spreading Loki's legs as far as they would go with his pants still restricting him. He freed his own cock from his pants, giving it a few quick strokes before kneeling on the ground between Loki's knees.

There was no preparation, no warning, before Hugh thrust himself inside Loki hard and fast. Loki screamed and his eyes flew wide open, no longer able to hold back the tears that were now streaming down his face. He felt the burn with every rough push and pull, and he dug his fingernails into the skin at his elbows, hard enough to draw blood. Hugh settled into a rhythm, punishing and relentlessly fast and he gripped Loki's bound forearms with one hand, his hip with the other, to give himself something to pull back on. Loki's insides were on fire and his throat was sore from all his screaming and crying.

He wasn't sure when it happened but at some point, his subconscious took him far away from there and he felt numb. Not physically, no… he could feel everything that happened to him, every new rip inside, all of the blood, the pain in his nose and face was the only competition to the other pain he was feeling. No, he was emotionally numb… he imagined he was anywhere but there when Hugh finished buried inside of him.

"This is all you're good for, Loki… and you know, you're _not even_ good for that! Completely _worthless.._. it's _pathetic…_" Hugh pulled out of Loki and shoved his hips back to the ground before straightening himself up and pulling his pants back up. Loki could feel the mix of blood and semen leaking out of him as he lay there and he _felt_ pathetic. He hadn't even been able to fight back and this realization caused more tears to fall, lost in the rain.

"Nobody will ever love somebody as disgustingly pathetic as you. Not even your precious _Tony Stark_. _Especially _not him… Oh, don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at him even when you and I were together. You love him and that much is obvious… but even _he_ won't be able to love a broken mess like you now." A dark glint flashed in his eyes, even though Loki hadn't moved and couldn't see it.

"And remember, _Odinson_… if you even _dare_ to breathe a word of this to _anybody_… I'll find him." He paused for dramatic effect. "I'll hunt Tony Stark down and everything that I've done to you tonight… I'll do it to him too. Maybe even have you watch… Only, then, when I've finished, I'll kill him. I'll split his skull and you will be _powerless_ to stop me. Then there will truly be nobody left to even care the slightest bit about you. Your family disowned you and I will have killed the man you love even though he will never be able to love you back. You're worthless, Loki. _Worthless_… and who could ever love such a desolate creature? But… if you keep that mouth of yours shut… I'll allow him to live unharmed. Do we have a deal?" He asked and waited only long enough to see Loki's head nod once before he cackled, muttered "that's what I thought," cut the rope tying Loki's arms, and left Loki slumped in the alleyway alone.

Loki waited a long time before he moved. He knew he had to get out of the cold rain, having been soaked through for what seemed like hours. Struggling through the pain, he was able to pull himself up, along with his pants. It hurt so much… he could hardly stand upright and he leaned heavily against the wall, carefully untying the scarf from his face. His sweater lay in tatters, torn beyond repair so he left it as he hobbled his way back to his dorm room, _convinced_ that at least Tony would be asleep by now and he wouldn't have to face his roommate.

He wasn't entirely sure how he made it home… everything passed in a blur. He was shirtless, wet, cold, crying, bleeding, and utterly broken, but he couldn't even bring himself to think and the next thing he knew was that he was standing inside in front of his door. He hesitated before slowly turning the handle, entering the dark room, and immediately collapsing as soon as the door clicked shut.


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The clock on the microwave read 2:35am. Tony and Pepper were in the bedroom listening to music and arranging that mix CD when they heard the door open and close. Pepper immediately squeezed Tony's hand and gave him an encouraging smile, gathering everything she'd brought with her so she could leave the two to the conversation they needed to have. He smiled nervously, almost shyly, before a small crash was heard from the kitchen. His expression changed in a matter of milliseconds and now he looked worried as he bolted from the room to the entrance way.

He gasped audibly from the kitchen, "_Jesus Christ…_" and Pepper ran after him and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw. Tony was on the floor, kneeling and leaning over a figure she guessed was Loki; curled in on his side while long black locks of hair wetly clung to the floor and across his face. Tony was afraid to touch him; he was so dirty from the grime of the alleyway, and while most of the blood had dried by now, there was still so much of it. He gently brushed the dirty, wet hair out of Loki's face and he bit his lip. Loki's nose and cheek were bruised badly, the purple-ish/red splotches of skin only barely distracting from the patches of jagged skin where his cheeks were scraped against the brick wall. The blood and dirt had washed away in streaks from both tears and the rain, but it still covered his face.

Green eyes flew open suddenly and Loki gasped in pain. He flailed on the floor before he realized he was in his dorm room and that the two people standing around him were friends. Rolling over so he was lying on his stomach, he buried his face in his hands and his shoulders shook with the effort not to cry again. Tony reached out tentatively to rest a hand on his shoulder. He'd barely touched him when Loki spoke.

"Go away." Loki rasped. Tony wasn't surprised but he didn't budge and he didn't say anything.

"Stark…" His throat felt like it was raw and bleeding from all the screaming and now his voice came out at barely above a whisper.

"Loki... _please_..."

It was the _please_ that did it. Loki relaxed into Tony's hand and even allowed himself to be gently pulled into his lap. He gathered the front of Tony's shirt in his fists and breathed it in deeply. He was home. He was safe. He was with Tony. It was only then that he remembered what had happened between the two of them before he'd run out earlier that night. He tensed again and pulled himself out of Tony's grip and somehow managed to stand up, though he was shaking visibly. Pepper took this as her cue to leave. She went over to Tony and gave him a quick hug and a soft peck on the cheek, something Loki would've taken notice of if he hadn't already turned his back to stumble his way to the bathroom.

With Pepper gone, Tony followed after Loki to find him heaving over the toilet. When he heard Tony at the door, he slowly turned his head to glance at him, blood and saliva dripping off his bottom lip. Tony kneeled on the floor beside him and rubbed soft circles into his back, being careful to avoid the raw welts that criss-crossed all over. Neither man spoke for a long time and when Loki was finally done throwing up, he leaned into Tony's side for support.

"Loki?" The man in question didn't respond but Tony knew he was listening and so he continued. "Loki, this looks pretty bad, we need to get you cleaned up ok?" Still no response, but Tony took that as silent compliance so he began filling the tub with water while digging in the closet for a washcloth. Loki stayed in his seated position, trying (but failing) to find a way to sit that it didn't hurt.

"Can you stand?" He asked, offering Loki a hand, which he hesitantly took and allowed himself to be gently pulled up. "Uh... take your pants off...?" Tony continued, blushing. Loki tensed immediately, his hands curled into fists at his sides and his fingernails dug into the skin in the palms of his hands hard. Tony noticed this and waved his hands around, trying to look casual. "Just so we can wash you up ok? No funny business... I'll even leave the room if you'd like."

Loki nodded and relaxed a little bit. He held his breath until Tony had left the room and then his hands were at the fastenings of his pants and they fell to the floor in a heap. He stepped out of them carefully and once he was completely naked, he lowered himself slowly into the bathtub. A hiss escaped his lips as the hot water touched each wound in turn until he was submerged up to his neck. The water was already stained; with the blood and dirt washing off him, it was no longer clear. He hurt all over and he was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He almost wished Tony was back in here to talk, to distract him... the silence was not welcome.

"Hey, Loki? I'm gonna come in for a second... I'm running a load of laundry..." Tony called from the hallway. Loki's eyes were wide with fear. Tony was going to see his clothes... see the blood on his pants and he's a smart guy... Tony would _know_ what happened... and Loki could _not_ let him know. If he did... _I'll hunt Tony Stark down and everything that I've done to you tonight… I'll do it to him too. Maybe even have you watch… Only, then, when I've finished, I'll kill him_. No, Tony could not find out!

It was too late though; Tony burst into the room and grabbed the pile of Loki's clothes from the floor before the other man could even stand up. He left just as quickly, and once the door shut behind him, Loki groaned out loud. He sank back down into the tub until he was fully submerged and held his breath under the water until his lungs burned. Gasping for air, his head broke the surface and clumps of wet hair fell all over his face. _It would be so easy_, he thought… So easy to disappear from Tony's life and never be able to cause him grief again.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Tony once again left Loki to clean himself up, this time with a bundle of wet, dirty clothes in his hands. The pants were half inside out and he was about to pull them right-side-out when he noticed the blood stains on the butt and inner thighs, along with what looked like dried…

He threw the pants away from him as if they were on fire and a gasp escaped his lips. It was as if a light bulb turned on in his head and everything seemed clear as he realized what had happened to his friend. An outstretched hand helped him find a wall and he sunk to the floor with his back to it. How could he have been so oblivious? Loki had come back super late, soaked through and broken… the way Loki would tense up when Tony made sudden moves to touch him… the pure _terror_ in Loki's expression just a bit ago when Tony had asked him to take his pants off to wash up…

He didn't know how long he sat there thinking, but his heart broke for Loki then. He knew that Loki hadn't even done much with Clint when they were dating; he'd told Tony once that he was saving himself for someone special. _That could've been me_. The thought flashed through his mind before he could stop it, and then he was livid. He stood slowly and as hard as he could, he punched the wall. And again. He ground his teeth together, knowing that his hand would probably be bruised tomorrow, but he didn't care.

"Tony?" A soft voice from the bedroom door made him stop just before punching the wall again. He turned in surprise to see Loki standing behind him, hugging his arms close to his stomach in an oversized sweat shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

"Loki…" One look was all it took. The pity in Tony's eyes as he looked at his friend was all the proof Loki needed to confirm his fears that Tony had seen the stained pants and _knew_ what happened. His cheeks flushed red with shame and he kept his eyes on the floor, unable to look Tony in the eyes. Even through the sleeves of the sweater, he could feel the edges of the bandages he'd hastily applied before throwing the shirt on. He'd been careful to clean up the blood from the counter this time, as well as to hide the small knife he'd used to mark his forearms so that Tony wouldn't find it. He didn't need another reason to worry, and the thought crossed Loki's mind again; _so easy…_

"Who did this to you?" The silence was interrupted by Tony's question, although the man already had a good idea of who it was. Loki pretended to not understand.

"Tony, I don't know what you—,"

"_Goddammit_, Loki. I'm not stupid. Please, I… I saw… on your… I _know_. I don't know the details obviously, but I _know_. Just… please… Loki. _Please_." He tried his hardest to keep his voice from rising out of his anger. He wasn't angry at Loki of course, just the situation… just what had happened to him. The desperation leaked through his words and it was visible on his face when Loki finally risked a glance at his face.

"I… I _can't. _I'm sorry."Loki's eyes started to tear up even though none fell as he turned away to leave the room.

"Why not?" Tony insisted and crossed the room to grab his shoulder so he couldn't run again. He almost let go when he heard a quiet whimper from Loki, but he held his ground.

"He… he said he'd kill you." Tony almost didn't hear the response, it was spoken so softly, but Loki turned to face him as he said it and the look in his eyes scared him. Tony was stunned and when he didn't say anything, Loki repeated himself, "When… when he was finished… with me… he said that if I told you who he was… he'd do the same to you and then h-h-he'd…" He couldn't finish his sentence and he started shaking badly. Tony pulled him into a hug, running a hand softly over his back.

"You forget something very important, Loki. I'm Tony fucking Stark. If he tries to harm another hair on your head, or mine… I'll have dear old dad's entire legal force on his ass." He let out a soft chuckle in Loki's hair. "Please… Loki, I won't let him touch you again, I swear… But I need to know whose ass to kick… Was it Muninn?"

When Loki's only response was to tense up and burrow into Tony's hug even more, he knew that his guess was right. They didn't speak of it any more that night. Tony sat with Loki on the bedroom floor in silence until eventually the both of them drifted off to sleep.


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

"No, Pepper, that's too light… he's going to look like a ghost or something…"

"_Anthony Edward Stark_. I am a _woman_. I've spent years of my life wearing this stuff and finding the perfect shade. This is what his skin looks like… _trust me_!" Pepper shook her head, incredulous that Tony would even pretend to know anything about makeup. At least his heart was in the right place though, she couldn't argue that.

A couple of days had passed since Loki had come back, broken, in the dead of the night. Loki hadn't left the house all weekend, and knowing what he would look like to anyone who saw him, neither Tony nor Pepper really blamed him. The bruising on his face was still as vivid as it had been a few nights ago. It was now Sunday, and Tony brought Pepper with him to the store to help him pick out some makeup so they could try and cover the bruises. Loki had already missed so many classes since this whole mess started and that was so unlike him that it really worried his roommate. He figured that if he got some makeup, they could at least try to cover it so Loki wouldn't feel weird about being around other people. He just hoped that it wouldn't cause Loki to snap at him.

"Ok, _fine_. I suppose you could be right… but I'm getting both just in case!" Pepper rolled her eyes but conceded. "Now, will you tell me how to put this on? I doubt he'd want you to be there too…"

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Loki stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. His skin felt raw from scrubbing it so hard, but he still felt disgusting. He wiped the fog off the mirror and examined his face. Never in a million years would he guess he'd end up here now. The bruises stood out against his pale skin and there were dark circles around his eyes from a lack of sleep. His hair was longer… when was the last time he got it cut? He couldn't even remember. His eyes traveled downward and he could make out the small crescent shaped cuts near his elbows from his fingernails before he risked looking further down at his wrists.

The freshest cuts from the past few days had scabbed over but as he brushed his fingers over the scabs, his cheeks burned red and he bit his lip. No, he never imagined his life would end up this way. He opened one of the cupboards behind the mirror and pulled out the small knife he'd been using and gripped the handle hard, thinking about the words his father and Hugh had said. He just barely touched the blade to his skin when the door slammed shut and Tony's voice sang through the dorm room.

"Honey, I'm home!" Loki tensed and threw the knife back in the cupboard. He rushed into the bedroom and pulled on the first clothes he pulled from his drawers. Tony was out with Pepper that evening… Loki hadn't been expecting him to come back.

"Hey, Loki." Tony said from the bedroom door.

"Tony." Loki nodded in his direction.

"So, uh…"

"Why aren't you at Pepper's?" Tony looked confused for a moment but then realized in the chaos from the weekend, he never did tell Loki they had broken up.

"Oh… right… Pepper and I aren't together anymore."

"Oh… I'm sorry…"

"Don't be… It was mutual… we just work better as friends is all." Tony smiled at him. "Hey, I bought you something. Well… Pepper helped. Um…" He emptied the contents of the shopping bag on Loki's bed. "We weren't sure what shade you'd need… but Loki we're worried about you. You've missed so much school and you can't hole yourself in here forever… we can use this to… ah… cover up…"

"No, Tony." He didn't sound mad, which honestly surprised Tony.

"Please, Loki… just… _think_ about it, okay? Please?" Loki sighed in resignation.

"Ok… I'll think about it—," He was cut off as Tony pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

"_Thank you_."

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And think about it, he did. Unfortunately for him, Tony didn't agree with his decision and he can be pretty stubborn. So, when Tony burst into the bathroom the next morning while Loki was once again examining his bruises in the mirror, he wasn't entirely surprised. Some warning would've been nice, of course, because Loki was wearing only black sweatpants, his shirt discarded on the floor behind him. Tony unceremoniously dumped the collection of makeup on the counter and whirled Loki around so he was sitting on the counter.

"Ok, Loki, I know you don't want to go, but humor me? Just let me try this out and see how it looks and you can make up your mind then." Loki sighed but nodded his consent. He wouldn't be surprised if Tony were to drag him from their dorm when he was finished.

Tony had tried to pay attention when Pepper explained how to use the makeup to him… he really did. It seemed that all of that knowledge went out the window when he was faced with actually applying it to Loki.

Loki was surprised at how gentle Tony was. Every swipe of his fingers was like a loving caress and Loki almost leaned into the touch without thinking, before he remembered how the other man had reacted to his kiss. His cheeks flushed and he hoped Tony didn't notice. He was so close; Loki could feel Tony's breath on his face as he concentrated on covering up each of the angry-looking bruises.

Neither of them spoke. Tony was concentrating so hard on remembering what Pepper had told him. He was about halfway done when he noticed the blush creep along Loki's face even through the bruises. That made Tony reevaluate the situation and what he was doing. Of course he was making Loki blush, hell, _he_ was blushing too. He was so close; he could just... _go for it_.

And so he did.


	23. Chapter 22

****Warning: self-harm

**Chapter 22**

His lips met Loki's, the touch just as gentle as his fingers were. His hands guided Loki's face to him and it felt so _right_. He didn't notice how Loki tensed until he realized the other man wasn't kissing him back and so he pulled away slightly, his eyebrows knit in a quizzical expression.

"What was that, Stark?" Loki knew what it was, obviously, but _why_ was the underlying question. Why would Tony kiss him when only a few days prior, the man had reacted so badly... _well, you thought wrong_.

"It was a kiss..." Tony said, suddenly very unsure of himself. He had expected Loki to fall into his arms... or at least kiss him back.

"I know that, I'm not an idiot. I want to know _why_." Loki snapped, the wheels turning in his head.

"I... I thought that's what you wanted..." Tony trailed off realizing that after what had happened this past weekend, this might've been the last thing Loki needed added to his plate. Loki sighed and decided to be honest.

"It... it _is_ what I want... but I don't want you to do it because you feel like you have to or should... I want it to be because _you_ want it too." With that, he lowered his feet to the floor and made to leave the room. Tony wasn't about to let that happen though, and circled a hand around Loki's wrist. What he felt there caused him to pull the other man back with more strength than he intended and pulled his arm up to get a better look.

"Loki, what is this?" Loki's eyes went wide with fear... of _course_ Tony could feel them. Of course the man would _say _something about them. And he didn't have a response for him. He just kept his eyes trained on the floor while Tony examined both of his forearms in turn, running his fingers lightly over scars and scabs.

"Are... are you ok, Loki?" He couldn't bear to even glance at Tony when the other man asked him this. _Of course not_.

"I'm fine." His voice was so flat, so lacking of life that even he wouldn't have believed him.

"Loki, don't—,"

"No, ok, are you happy? No, I'm not ok. No, I'm not fine. I can't... I can't go out there... Tony, I'm a _mess _and I-I-I-I can't face them. All those people out there laughing and having the time of their lives when I can't even bring myself to _fake_ a smile. I can't be around that just to be reminded of how utterly worthless I am... how much _none of this matters_. And the real kicker, Tony... is that I can't understand why _you're_ doing this. You have it _made_. You have your schooling, you have friends, you have Pepper, you have _family_... you have _all of these things, _Tony, and yet you're still _wasting _your time on someone like me. I think of all the things I don't have and what that… that man did to me… and I cannot _fathom _whyyou would even give me the time of day—,"

"It's because I—,"

"Get out." Tony was cut off; Loki's voice was quiet but firm. It grew louder when he repeated himself.

"I said, get out, Stark. Just... just leave."

"Loki, I—,"

"GET OUT!" Loki screamed, his face was red from the effort of holding back his tears. Tony left. He was thinking about their last argument and how Loki had run out and… No. This time Tony would leave so he wouldn't have to worry about Loki running off again. He gave one final glance towards the bathroom door while he gathered his books for class before quietly leaving the dorm.

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Loki waited until he heard the door shut before he let the tears fall. Part of him wished Tony had stayed, but he didn't blame him for leaving… he was always good at pushing people away and this was no exception. He sunk down to sit on the floor, thinking.

_It would be so easy…_

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Tony hadn't been planning on leaving so early, so he stopped by Steve's dorm to hang out a bit before class. Their first class was a lecture together anyway, so he figured why not. He knocked at the door and was surprised to have it answered by that girl… the one that Hugh… what was her name? Something with a "P"…

His confusion must've shown on his face because in a second Steve appeared behind the girl and said "Tony, you remember Peggy, yes?" _Thank you Steve_…

"Yes, of course! How are you doing?" The girl in question smiled and let him in.

"I'm doing very well, thank you."

"A better question, Tony, is how are you doing?" Steve looked concerned. "Is L—everything ok?" His friend knew him too well, but he wasn't going to spill all his secrets in front of this girl he'd just met (again).

"Oh, yeah, everything's fine… I just have something on my mind. So, distract me, please." He gave Steve a look that said he'd tell him later.

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The two young men sat in their lecture class. Tony always wanted to sit in the back row so he could get away with not paying attention and Steve allowed it although he always kept up with his work. It was approximately halfway through the class. Tony was playing games on his phone while Steve took notes that he knew the other man would later ask to borrow.

Suddenly Tony's game was interrupted when Loki's picture and phone number popped up on his screen. Tony looked at it in confusion for a moment… Loki hardly _ever_ called him. Red flags went off in his mind… if Loki was _calling_ him it meant something important was going on.

Steve gave him a look and he whispered "I've gotta take this" before quietly slipping out the door. He just made it in time, hitting the green call button just before he would've missed Loki's call.

"Loki?" He asked hesitantly. He didn't know what the other would need to talk to him about especially after the events of the morning.

"Tony… I… what are you doing?" Loki's voice shook enough that Tony was really worried now.

"I'm in… nothing; I'm not doing anything right now. What's up?" He wasn't about to tell Loki he was in class… he wasn't sure, but he figured that admission would cause Loki to make him go through the rest of class, and now that he was worried he knew that he couldn't do that.

"I… Tony… It won't stop." He wasn't sure if Loki was being vague on purpose or not, but it was doing nothing for his nerves.

"What's not stopping…?"

"I… the blood. The other times it would just stop bleeding… but this time… it's too much a-and I can't make it stop." Tony almost dropped his phone to the ground.

"Where are you?" His voice sounded tense and he was already running down the hallway of the building and out the door.

"In our bathroom…"

"Ok, Loki, hang in there ok. Apply pressure to it… I'm on my way."

"Tony… _I'm sorry_." Loki's words sounded almost like a sigh before Tony hung up and picked up his pace. He wasn't particularly athletic, nor was he out of shape, so running across campus wasn't the easiest thing he'd done all week. The mental image of Loki bleeding out on their bathroom floor was enough to spur him on though, the adrenalin coursing through his veins. He sent a quick text message to Steve telling him there was an emergency and asking him to gather all of Tony's books from the lecture hall and bringing them after class got out.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." Tony breathed out, the words catching in his throat as he struggled to breathe. He couldn't lose Loki. He _wouldn't_.


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

After fumbling with his keys for a bit, Tony finally flings the door open and runs to the bathroom. He thinks he can hear the ambulance siren already in the distance, having called 9-1-1 just after his conversation with Loki. The bathroom door was partially open and he stopped dead in his tracks, completely unprepared for what he saw on the other side.

Loki was slumped against the bathtub, his chin tucked in against his bare chest. His arms were in his lap; one hand loosely holding his balled-up t-shirt to his other wrist. For a moment, Tony thought he was too late and the tears stung as they formed in his eyes. He almost missed it, but he could barely make out Loki's chest rising and falling in shallow breaths and he calmed down slightly. Tony kneeled on the floor next to his friend and pulled the bloody shirt from Loki's grip so that he could examine the cuts. They were still bleeding sluggishly, but it was clear that it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it had been when Loki called him. He brushed his hand across Loki's forehead, moving his hair from his face and accidentally smearing blood on the pale skin. Looking down at his hands he realized they were covered in the other's blood and he had to concentrate to keep from gagging.

"Loki?" The other man's eyes fluttered open slowly and he raised his head to look at Tony.

"Tony… I… I'm sorry you had to see me like this…" His voice was no more than a breathy whisper and the sound of it sent chills down Tony's spine. He scooted closer and pulled Loki into a tight embrace, running his fingers through the long black hair.

"Shhhh… Loki, the ambulance is coming. I'm here…"

"Tony, _I'm sorry_…" Loki fell silent and closed his eyes again. Tony buried his face in Loki's hair; breathed him in and cried, trying in vain to keep his shoulders from shaking from his silent sobbing.

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Steve got Tony's text and rushed back to their dorm building after class. He made it in time to see the ambulance outside. He saw the stretcher being wheeled out of the building to the ambulance. He saw Tony following close behind, visibly shaking, his face blotchy from crying. This meant that the figure on the stretcher had to be… _Loki_.

He changed his mind about returning to his room then. Still carrying Tony's belongings, he headed for his car and made his way to the hospital.

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Tony sat in the waiting room for what seemed to be a lifetime. The hard plastic chair beneath him was a constant reminder of where he was, even when he rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands, eyes closed tightly. Lost in thought, the dialogue from the television in the corner sounded like it was a universe away. The only thing that pulled him from his thoughts was when he felt somebody approach and take the chair next to him, rubbing a hand over his back.

"Hey Tony" It was Steve. Tony looked up in surprise; he'd called Thor and told him right away, but how did Steve find out? "I got back to the dorms as the ambulance… uh… when you came outside… I figured you'd need a friend. Tony… what happened? I was worried…"

Tony didn't look at him and didn't speak, _couldn't_ speak… the mental image of Loki's blood pooling against pale skin left him speechless. He bit his lip, fighting back fresh tears, and he heard the door swing open again. This time it was Thor. He didn't even have to look up to know this; Thor went right up to the desk and demanded to see his brother. Of course, he wasn't permitted to, but he sure made some noise about it. Tony would've smiled under other circumstances, but as it were…

He sat down on the other side of Tony and was silent for a few moments. Tony realized he was holding his breath and he let it out in a shaking sigh. He lifted his head to look at Thor and ran his fingers through his messy hair.

"Anthony Stark, what happened?" Thor's voice was low and had a growling edge to it that always threw Tony off.

"I… I told you already… on the phone…" Tony mumbled. Sure, he'd been vague while answering Thor's questions on the phone, but technically he wasn't lying.

"_Stark_," Thor's voice a hidden warning, "you're not telling me the whole story… what more happened?"

Luckily for Tony, he didn't get a chance to answer because Frigga and Odin walked in. He stood to greet them and Frigga pulled him into a tight embrace, silencing him. Odin stood near the door, looking completely disinterested as usual, and that did not escape Tony's notice.

"Thank you, Tony." Frigga whispered near his ear and he leaned more into her arms. She ran her hand through his hair as he cried silently and they all waited to hear word of how Loki was doing. It felt like a lifetime had passed. Finally the door that would take them further into the maze of the hospital opened and a young man stepped out.

"Ahh, you must be Loki's parents? Your son's condition is stable, but he is currently sleeping. If you'd like to see him, you may." The nurse turned and Thor, Tony, and Frigga went to follow him. When Frigga noticed that Odin hadn't moved she hissed his name at him, her tone absolutely _deadly_. His eyes widened in surprise before he slowly moved towards them. If the situation had been any different, Tony would've smiled at this reaction.

"I'm sorry… only family members at this point." The young nurse mumbled at Tony, stopping him from going down the hallway. Frigga saw the devastation in his eyes as he turned around and she glared at the nurse.

"He is family." Her tone was the same as the one she'd just used on Odin and the nurse cringed under the daggers shooting at him from her eyes. Man, if looks could kill…

"Ahh… yes, of course…" The nurse turned and nearly power walked them to Loki's room just to get away from Frigga. Tony didn't blame him; he would _not_ have wanted to be on the receiving end of her anger.

When they got to the room, Odin stayed out in the hallway. Frigga didn't notice as she had pushed her way into the room and was already sitting in a chair, grabbing her son's hand in hers. Tony bit his lip at the sight; Loki's black hair was fanned out around his head against the white sheets and pillow. His skin was almost as white as the sheets, lacking any color besides the darkness around his eyes and the bruising on his face. He was in a white hospital gown and his arms were wrapped heavily in white. Tony now realized why so many people hated hospitals.

Thor looked at his mother with his younger brother. Wanting to give her time with him, he mumbled something about finding Steve again and he left the room. Tony hesitated before going to follow him.

"Please stay, Tony." Frigga's voice was soft and it made him turn around and walk slowly back to Loki's bedside. He reached out to touch Loki's hand that his mother wasn't currently holding. His fingertips barely touched the skin when he realized tears were streaming down his face.

"You care about him, Tony. Thank you." The woman's voice was still as soft as it had been earlier, and the smooth tones were a comfort to him. "What happened to him?" And there it was… the question Tony had been dreading and he wasn't sure of how to answer.

"He… I noticed this morning… he had scars all over his wrists… I mentioned them to him and it upset him. He… he told me to leave and he was so angry with me that I did… I just didn't want to upset him anymore. I didn't realize that he would…" Tony trailed off and froze. It was his fault. If he hadn't pushed the issue… if he hadn't left… then Loki wouldn't have cut himself.

"_No_, Tony. Don't do that to yourself. It wasn't your fault; you've helped him in so many ways… I just… I don't understand what could've happened to make him want to do this…" Frigga was crying now too, although she still looked more dignified than Tony while doing so.

"I think… excuse me for a moment, there's something I need to take care of…" Tony angrily brushed the tears from his cheeks before walking out of the room with new purpose leaving Frigga sitting next to her youngest son, still holding his hand and using her other one to gently brush through his hair.


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"Excuse me, Mr. Odinson? I need to have a word with you." Tony says as soon as the door to Loki's room closes behind him. He was actually surprised to see Odin still standing near the room, but he doesn't let that show on his face as his eyes narrow and he frowns.

"Ah, Anthony Stark. To what do I owe this?"

"It's Tony. And please don't give me that shit. I get the feeling you know exactly what I want to talk with you about.

"_Tony_, then… and I apologize, but I can't say that I do."

"_Bullshit_." Tony hissed.

"Watch it, boy. You would do well to respect your elders."

"Respect is earned, not just given to every bigoted asshole hanging around." Tony was not surprised when Odin fisted his hands in the front of Tony's shirt and shoved him roughly against the wall. In fact, the action was so expected that he almost had to fight back a laugh.

"Oh, _big man_, Odin… beating up people smaller than you? Look at you go… better watch out though because if you touch a single hair on Loki's head... just because he's too broken from what you and his jackass ex-boyfriend put him through... I will come after you. That's not a threat; that's a promise." Tony's voice was low and he didn't care what Odin did to him now, as long as his message was clear. Odin just let him go and chuckled.

"Trust me, _Anthony_... I have no intentions of involving myself with him any further. But remember that I have money... lots of it. And when people are desperate for that... there's very little they won't do." Just like that, Tony remembered the conversation with the barista that morning in Starbucks, but he _had_ to be sure...

"Muninn. Hugh Muninn... he was one of yours wasn't he?" Odin raised his eyebrows at this, no doubt surprised to hear the name from Tony's lips.

"Well, I wouldn't tell you that now would I? But you're a bright kid; I'm sure you've figured it out already."

"You sick... _sick_ man. It's because of _you_ that your son is in here right now. Shut up, I don't care that you don't want to call him your son, it doesn't matter... because _he still is_. You paid that _sonofabitch_ to work his way into Loki's life and date him and make him believe he was loved before _ripping _that away fr—,"

"What do you mean, _date him_?" The look on Odin's face was utter confusion and that gave Tony pause.

"Hugh was dating Loki…" Tony tried to say as nonchalantly as possible but the more he spoke, the angrier he became, "For about two months… until… things started to go bad. Loki didn't know what the hell was going on but it seemed that suddenly Muninn turned on him and tried the same to a girl I know. That was a couple of weeks ago… but then this weekend…. You know what, no. Why should I tell you? _You're_ the one who wanted this all to happen… even _paid_ for that piece of shit to…" He broke off, not wanting to be reminded of the way Loki looked when he'd come home that night. The horror must've shown on Tony's face because Odin's next question wasn't expected.

"What did Muninn do to Loki?" Tony gaped at him for a moment before replying.

"Again, _why should I tell you_? I believe you've made it pretty clear that you no longer think of Loki as your son… why do you care?" Odin stared at him, thinking that he had a point. Then again, it was _his _money that Hugh Muninn earned… he was kind of curious as to what the other man had done.

"Because, Stark, if you don't, I'll just ask him and find out any—,"

"That sick fuck _raped_ him!" Tony yelled a little too loudly. His words made Odin's mouth fall open.

"Wha—,"

"You heard me." Tony cut him off. "Twice when they were 'dating'… and then this past weekend…" He clenched his fists at his sides. "And I couldn't do a single goddamned thing to help him. Did you know that he was saving himself? He wanted his first time to be with someone who really cared about him and who he felt the same way about! He's had it _taken_ from him and now he'll _never_ get that back! I've never _seen_ somebody in as much pain as I've seen Loki in the past few weeks. No thanks to _you_ an—,"

"_Enough_!" Odin nearly yelled at him. Tony did stop talking, but by now he was shaking out of anger. He chanced a glance at the older man and to his surprise, Odin's expression was one of concern and… regret? "I… that's not what I wanted. That's _not_ what I asked for… I just wanted him to _listen_ to me and to _respect_ my decisions."

"It's _not_ your decision! It's _Loki's_ life! _So what_ if he loves another man? Goddamn it, _that could've been me_! I didn't realize until it was too late, but _shit…_," He looked down the hall towards Loki's room and swallowed thickly. "I love him. I am _in love_ with your son and I would do _anything_ to make this go away for him. If that means I have to go to bed with nothing but my right hand to keep me company at night because he doesn't feel comfortable doing anything physical because of _this_… then so be it… but _I love him_!" Tony gasped at the emotion behind his confession. Odin looked like he was going to say something but was interrupted as Frigga appeared at the doorway to Loki's room. She avoided her husband's gaze, but looked straight at Tony, something unreadable in her face.

"Tony, Loki is awake and would like to see you." She spoke softly and it made Tony's heart lurch in his chest before he walked down the hall to Loki's door, pausing by it briefly before entering.


	26. Chapter 25

**Thanks for the reviews and favorites and follows! :] That warms my heart!**

**Chapter 25**

Loki awoke to a hand gently brushing through his hair. He blinked a few times as his eyes focused to his surroundings.

"Mom?" His voice was hoarse and he could already feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Oh, Loki, honey..." Frigga gathered him into her arms and hugged him tightly to her, as if she never wanted to let him go.

"How did you...?"

"Tony called your brother and he-"

"_Tony_?" Loki's first instinct was to hunt his friend down and kill him. He could've handled this on his own, the last thing he needed was for his _family_ to get involved... especially Odin... Just the thought of his name sent Loki back to the dark alleyway where Muninn had owned up to Odin's involvement. He bit his lip in an attempt to stop himself from throwing up and he buried himself further into his mother's embrace. "Where is he?"

"He was just in here a minute ago... he said he had to take care of something though." Loki pulled away slightly to look at her face and that's when they heard it.

"_You sick... sick man. It's because of you that your son is in here right now. Shut up, I don't care that you don't want to call him your son, it doesn't matter... because he still is. You paid that sonofabitch to work his way into Loki's life and date him and make him believe he was loved before ripping that away fr-" _Loki's already-pale face blanched and his eyes widened. Frigga saw this and she immediately started searching his face for something, any indication that he acknowledged she was there, but he wouldn't move his gaze from the opposite wall. Tony was confronting Odin. Loki felt like he should be happy about this, but he didn't want to _hear_ it. He didn't want his mom to hear it. And he definitely didn't want Tony to accidentally talk about... _No._ The conversation quieted down and Loki hoped that it was over; that Tony would just come back and Odin would leave and they'd never have to speak of this again.

"_Because, Stark, if you don't, I'll just ask him and find out any-"_

_"That sick fuck _raped_ him! You heard me... twice when they were dating... and then this past weekend... and I couldn't do a single goddamned thing to help him. Did you know that he was saving himself? He wanted his first time to be with someone who really cared about him and who he felt the same way about! He's had it taken from him and now he'll never get that back! I've never seen somebody in as much pain as I've seen Loki in the past few weeks. No thanks to you an-"_

_"Enough!" _Odin's voice cut across Tony's and went softer so Loki couldn't hear the conversation. There it was. Tony had said it. Out loud. Frigga looked at him with fear and anger and pain in her eyes and she pulled him to her once more. His body tensed and he couldn't breathe. He wanted to disappear... go somewhere where this wasn't happening, where nobody could find him, and where he couldn't bother anybody anymore. Then Tony spoke again. He wasn't yelling anymore, but he was speaking loud enough that his voice carried down the hall.

"_Goddamn it, that could've been me! I didn't realize until it was too late, but shit... I love him. I am in love with your son and I would do anything to make this go away for him. If that means I have to go to bed with nothing but my right hand to keep me company at night because he doesn't feel comfortable doing anything physical because of this... then so be it... but I love him!" _Loki's tears began to fall and soak into Frigga's shirt.

The words kept playing over and over in Loki's head- _I am in love with your son_. What could Loki think of that? He wasn't sure. How could Tony possibly love him after all Loki had been through? How could he want such a broken individual? Muninn's words found their way back to him—_even he won't be able to love a broken mess like you…_ But, maybe… he had to be sure.

"Mom?" Loki asked timidly as he started to pull away. There was something in his eyes that she recognized or at least understood.

"Of course… I'll go get him." Loki nodded, wiped the tears from his cheeks, and braced himself for what he thought the other man would say.

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Tony paused by the door for a moment before making his way to Loki's bed. The sight of him against the white sheets still worked at his nerves, so he jumped a little as Loki spoke when Tony was finally right next to the bed.

"Did you mean it?" Loki's eyes searched out Tony's desperately and as soon as they met, Tony realized that Loki had heard every word.

"Every word." He spoke with such conviction that it brought Loki to tears once more. Tony saw this and he lay down in the bed next to Loki; wrapping his arms tightly around the other man and running a hand through long black hair.

"I'm sorry, Tony."

"No, Loki, _I'm_ sorry. I should've realized…"

"Tony…"

"Shhh… It's going to be okay, Loki." Tony whispered into Loki's hair as he held him close. Neither of them noticed Frigga or Odin at the door, watching their exchange. A small smile played at the corners of Frigga's lips and she grabbed Odin's arm and led him from the room, giving the two young men privacy.


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

After a week's time, Loki would be released from the hospital. During the week of his stay, the most exciting thing to happen was Tony having been escorted from the building when he refused to leave after normal visitation hours were over. It took Frigga's encouragement of a bribe from her husband for the hospital to even allow Tony back in the building during the course of the week, and he was thankful to them even though he was still furious at Odin.

The man still refused to speak to his son; didn't step a foot inside his hospital room during the entire time he was there. Tony knew how much this upset Loki, and this fact ate at him every time he saw a sad expression cross the other man's face. Even as they lay in Loki's bed, Tony with his arms wrapped around Loki's slender frame and Loki with his head resting against Tony's chest in his sleep, Tony vowed to do all he could to make Loki happy. When the nurse came around to inform Tony that it was time to leave, he would shift Loki off of him, drape a blanket over him, and plant a kiss on his cheek. They never did anything more than that. Tony was too afraid of moving too fast for Loki to mentally heal. Loki was afraid that it wasn't real and that he would scare Tony off. And so Tony would kiss Loki's cheek as he slept before taking his leave.

Arriving back at his dorm room every night, he was greeted with the cold, empty feeling of being alone. He hated it; knowing that he'd finally realized what he wanted and now he had to get by without for now. Being alone now made him think of what it would've been like had Loki not called him. The what-ifs kept him awake at night. What if Loki hadn't called him when he did? What if he hadn't answered the call during class? What if he had arrived at his dorm many hours later and found Loki's cold, dead body slumped on the floor in the bathroom? What if he was now returning home from a viewing or the funeral, rather than having come from his roommate's hospital bed? The thought of this nearly gave him a panic attack and he didn't want to even attempt sleep because of the nightmares he was sure to have.

It was on one of these sleepless nights that he was actually working on homework to help distract him from his worry-fevered thoughts when he was interrupted by a text from Pepper. All it included was the name of a song, the artist, and a smiley face. Of course, he was curious; he'd never heard the song before and wanted to know why she sent it to him. He looked it up online and as soon as it started playing, he knew what her intention was. _God, Pepper, you are fantastic_; he texted her back. It only took him about ten minutes to Google search the sheet music, and once he had it printed off, he sat down at the keyboard and set to work.

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Finally it was the day Tony had been waiting for; Loki was being released form the hospital. Tony had spent the whole previous night going through their dorm room and child-proofing it, but it wasn't until he arrived at the hospital to pick Loki up that he thought the other man might take offense to the gesture. _Oh well, nothing I can do about it now_, he thought as he walked down the hall to Loki's door. What he saw outside the room surprised him.

Odin was standing across the hall from the door, leaning against the wall and with his arms crossed. He was staring at the closed door and didn't look up until Tony stopped just in front of him and cleared his throat. The older man looked up, surprised to see someone standing there. Neither of them spoke for a moment; Tony glared at Odin and Odin met Tony's gaze, his expression unreadable.

"Stark—,"

"_Odinson_," Tony hissed, "He's being released today, and I wouldn't have thought you'd show up." His teeth were clenched and he thought of the pained expressions on Loki's face throughout the past week. Loki deserved better.

"Stark, I'm not here to fight wit—,"

"Then _what_ exactly are you here for, hmm?"

"I…" Odin seemed to debate with himself before continuing. "You care about him."

"Of course I do… I love him, what of it?"

"How is he?" The question caught Tony so off guard that he didn't know how to respond at first. He stood there, his mouth open for a few moments before he was able to gather his composure.

"He's doing as well as can be expected after all he's been through and having a father who refuses to see him." Tony spat out, angry that Odin would even ask, when Tony had a good idea of how much the man's absence affected Loki.

"Could I? See him that is?" If Tony was surprised earlier, it was nothing in comparison to his reaction to Odin's question.

"What?"

"I… may I see him?"

"I think that 'would he want to see you' is by far the better question…"

"Stark. I know that I haven't been the best father," Tony snorted at this, "But… he's my son an—,"

"Oh, he is now, is he?" Tony asked defensively. "Why is this any different than before?"

"Because, Stark, this is my fault and I want to try and fix it, okay?" Odin sounded defeated and tired and his answer was not what Tony was expecting. He stood there in silence for another moment before he sighed, nodded, and gestured towards the door.

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Loki awoke, coated in a sheen of cold sweat, to a pair of cool hands roughly grabbing his wrists. He gasped and flailed, unsuccessfully, before his vision focused and his eyes met Tony's brown ones. He stopped struggling, but his body remained tense; the hands holding his arms taking him to a different time and place.

Tony seemed to realize this and let go, before sitting on the edge of the bed and running a hand through Loki's hair. Loki was breathing deeply, trying in vain to push away the effects of his nightmare. He could almost feel the hot breath on the back of his neck, the burning pain inside, and the rough grip of strong hands holding him down. The imagined dark laugh of the man he called his father rang through his ears.

"Loki?" Tony's voice brought him back to reality once more and his breath caught in his throat. Tears threatened to spill from his eye, but he forced on a smile anyway. "Um… uh, your father is here and wants to talk to you, if that's ok?" Loki's smile faltered and his eyebrows knit together in an expression that made Tony want to hug him. He stepped to the side and Loki could see Odin standing behind him, and the older man had his eyes glued to the ground. Loki sighed and nodded his head at Tony who grabbed his hand, giving it a light squeeze before he turned and left the room.


	28. Chapter 27

**I'll respond to reviews later, been busy with school stuff, but since these next 2 chapters have been on tumblr for a while already, I figured I'd go ahead and post them here for you!**

**Chapter 27**

Loki's heart was racing as Tony left him and Odin alone in the room. Neither man spoke for a while. Loki waited for Odin to say his piece and Odin was trying to gather his thoughts. He wished that Tony was back in the room; there was no way he could have this conversation, whatever it would end up being, on his own.

"Loki… my son…" Odin started and those words make Loki snap his head up to look at the man standing before him.

"Excuse me?" Loki asked breathlessly, not sure if he heard correctly.

"This wasn't what I wanted to happen." Oh, so he was just going to jump to the point; skip all the small talk.

"Oh, it wasn't? Because you could've fooled me, _father_." Loki sneered, but that didn't stop the flutter in his heart at Odin's words.

"_Loki_." Odin's voice held a hint of a warning that made Loki clench his fists.

"Don't. I've been though enough, there's nothing further you can do to hurt me." The other man cringed visibly. Once again there was silence in the room. Loki began to regret letting Tony bring his father in; this just seemed to be heading down the same old road. He'd tried to come off as being stronger, to subtly throw in Odin's face everything that had come to pass through the course of the semester in an attempt to make him regret it, but even then he knew that it would destroy him to hear those words from his father's lips again; _no, Loki_.

"No… Loki, I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Wha-?" The disbelief in his voice was deafening to his ears.

"I haven't been fair to you, Loki. I realize that now, and I'm sorry. I… I'd like to try and make it up to you… if you would allow it." He finally looked Loki in the eye as he said this and Loki could see that he was telling the truth.

"And what brought on this epiphany, might I ask?"

"The events of the past week. I've been speaking with your mother… and Anthony has spoken to me as well…"

"Tony?"

"He… he really cares about you. More than I've seen someone care about another human being in a long time. Who am I to judge that?"

"Is this you giving me permission to be with him?"

"You don't need my permission, but would my response change your decision?" Odin asked and Loki sighed with what was almost a laugh.

"You have a point."

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Tony was sitting on the floor in the hallway right next to the closed door until Odin came back out. He hadn't heard any raised voices or yelling, so he assumed that their conversation went well. Odin's neutral expression made him feel even better about it; at least he didn't look pissed. The older man nodded his greeting at Tony as he stood, before he walked down the hallway and out of sight.

Tony entered the room and following shortly behind was a nurse to discharge Loki. They didn't discuss what had happened between father and son, but Loki seemed more relaxed than he had in ages, and for that Tony was thankful.

"You ready to go home?" Tony smiled, missing the frown on his friend's face. The thought of home reminded Loki of the nightmare Tony had woken him up from. He would never admit it to the other man, but there was a part of him that wasn't looking forward to returning to his dorm room. Muninn knew where he lived. He could easily track him down. Find him and… _No, Loki, knock it off, Tony's here… he won't let anything happen to you…_

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Neither spoke much on the drive back from the hospital. Tony drove with one hand resting on Loki's knee the whole way back. When they got back home, all Loki wanted to do was tumble into his own bed and sleep. All Tony wanted to do was eat real food instead of hospital cafeteria junk for the first time all week.

So they did just that. Loki didn't fall asleep right away, so by the time Tony had finished making tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, he brought a bowl and a sandwich in to where Loki was propped against his pillows. He gave Tony a shy smile and accepted the dinner Tony made for him, while making room for the other man to sit down on the edge of the bed. They ate in silence. When they were done, they took their dishes into the kitchen and Loki got the feeling that something was _off_. He just couldn't quite put his finger on it, so he went back to bed and Tony let him be and sat back at the keyboard.

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The next day Clint, Natasha, Steve, and Peggy were sitting around Tony and Loki's living room laughing and eating pizza; a group project sat forgotten on the coffee table. Clint had his laptop on the floor next to the couch and music was playing from it but the sound of everybody talking drowned out the music for the most part. Loki walked into the kitchen to get something to eat that _wasn't_ a greasy mess of cheese, bread, and pepperoni. He grabbed an apple out of the fridge, set it on a cutting board, and turned to the knife block. Or… where the knife block used to be. Confused, he turned to the silverware drawer and discovered that there wasn't even a butter knife in the kitchen.

"Tony? Can you come here please?" Loki tried to keep his voice even.

"Yeah, gimme a sec…" Tony excused himself from the conversation, leapt over the back of the futon and stumbled into the kitchen to stand behind Loki. He wrapped his arms around the slender waist in front of him and planted a kiss on the man's shoulder. "What's up?"

"Where are the knives?"

"Right… wait here…" Tony dashed off to the bedroom and returned a moment later with the paring knife. Loki looked at him, confused, and that didn't change when Tony bumped him out of the way with his hip before taking the apple in hand and cut it himself.

"There you go, babe." He rinsed off the knife before heading back to the bedroom. Loki stood looking after him for a second, the wheels turning in his head, before he followed behind. He didn't speak until they were in the privacy of their room, and when he did, he tried to keep the accusation out of his tone.

"What are you doing?" Tony jerked out of his closet and slammed the door, the knife nowhere in sight.

"I just cut your apple for you."

"I'm not stupid, I saw. I'm not just talking about that. Since I came back, something's felt off and now I think I realize what that is. Don't think I didn't notice… there aren't any razors in the bathroom. Every medicine bottle has disappeared too. Then I noticed all of your alcohol is gone, and as much as I wish you'd stop drinking so much, I doubt that's the reasoning behind it." Shoving past Tony, he opened the closet door and after digging through a pile of clothes on the floor, he found what he was looking for. "I want to know why I can't even find as much as a fucking _butter knife_ in the kitchen." He stood back up, chucking a bottle of ibuprofen at Tony, who awkwardly caught it.

"It's… just a crazy random happenstance…" Tony mumbled.

"_Anthony. Edward. Stark._" Loki hissed.

"Come here." Tony held his arms open and Loki hesitated before crossing the space between them and ending up in the other man's embrace. Tony held him tightly, as if he was afraid of what would happen if he let go. His hand came up to tangle in Loki's hair and hold him even closer, if that was possible.

"Stark, wha—,"

"I can't lose you again." Tony whispered into Loki's hair near his ear. "I thought I did once… that night… but then you came back and I thought I could fix it. And then a few days later I got that phone call… Loki, I was so worried. When I got back here and saw you… I thought you dead for a moment. I thought I was too late and that I'd never have the chance to tell you how much you mean to me. I don't know what feeling that way again will do to me, but Loki, I don't want to risk it. I don't want to risk losing you again. I can't."

Loki didn't respond other than to finally wrap his arms around the other man, running a hand down his back to comfort him. He thought over Tony's words for a moment before speaking.

"I know that I'm broken, Tony. I know that I have problems, perhaps more than anybody realized… but I… I want to work at getting better. How am I supposed to prove that to you if you can't even trust me to cut my own apples?" He chuckled and pulled back slightly, tilting Tony's face up so he could look into the other man's eyes. "Please… Tony… let me prove it to you."

Tony's response was a slow nod, followed by a kiss; his lips gently brushing over Loki's as they leaned into each other.

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It was around ten minutes later that the two young men returned to their friends in the living room. Everyone else scrambled to look normal, as if they hadn't been trying to eavesdrop on the conversation that had been taking place in the bedroom. Clint quickly turned the music back on and everyone started chatting at the same time, and both Loki and Tony could tell but neither of them cared; their hands gripped tightly together. They sat together on the couch in silence, just content to watch the others interacting, and both reflecting on what had been said behind closed doors.

_But don't take your life_

_Because it's all that you've got_

_You'd be better off just up and leaving_

_If you don't think they will stop_

Loki became aware of the words at the same time everybody else did and he turned to look at Clint, whose eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open. He mumbled a quick apology and moved to switch the music that was playing.

"No, leave it. Please." Loki spoke without meaning to, and the sound of his voice surprised him. It was an acoustic version of a song he liked but had forgotten about. This time, he closed his eyes and let the lyrics fill him while everyone else sat quietly, looking at the floor, the empty pizza box, and their forgotten homework.

_And when you wake up_

_Everything is going to be fine_

_I guarantee that you wake up in a better place_

_In a better time_

_So you're tired of living_

_And you feel like you might give in_

_Well don't_

_It's not your time_

He didn't notice that the tears had started falling from his eyes until he felt Tony brushing them from his cheeks. Their friends quietly left the room, suddenly feeling awkward about witnessing the gentle moment between the two men. Loki curled into Tony's side and Tony murmured to him as he pulled him in closer.

"Everything is going to be fine."


	29. Chapter 28

**This is the last pre-written chapter! Thank you so much for the follows/favorites, views, and for the reviews! :] Some great comments and questions that never even crossed my mind, so hopefully I can get to those soon! **

**Chapter 28**

The remaining few weeks of the semester passed quickly and soon it was the weekend before final exams. It had been difficult at first, but Tony was able to convince Loki to make up his class work and assuming he aced all of his exams, he would still be able to pass all of his classes. He was a little upset that his GPA would be taking a hit though, but it couldn't be avoided at this point, and he figured it could be a lot worse. There were a few times that Tony would skip his own classes so that he could sit in Loki's lecture classes with him, both just to be with him and to make sure he was doing okay.

If he were being honest, Tony had to say he was surprised and impressed with the amount of self control he had been showing. There were times when he'd be kissing Loki and he would almost forget himself. One night, they had been lying down on the floor watching a movie. Loki was curled up at Tony's side and Tony had his arm draped around Loki's shoulders. Tony absentmindedly planted a kiss in Loki's hair. The other man twisted in Tony's arms, tilting his head up to capture Tony's lips. This took Tony by surprise; he was almost always the one to initiate anything close to intimacy, and even then he was always afraid he'd push too far. This wasn't just a peck on the lips either; Loki's kiss was gentle, but long and with a hint of something else just below the surface. Desperation? He decided to take his chances and soon enough, Loki's lips parted to allow Tony's tongue to explore his mouth.

A moment later he felt Loki's body tense and lips still against his. He opened his eyes and looked down to see Loki's face flushed red and his eyes screwed shut. Tony was straddling his hips (_when did that happen?_) so he rolled off, pulled his hands out from under the hem of Loki's shirt, and tried desperately not to think about his growing erection.

"I'm sorry." Loki's near whisper felt like a slap to the face.

"Don't apologize; you have nothing to be sorry for."

"I do though. I know this is hard for you. I can tell that you want more, but I just… I can't give that to you now."

"Loki, you are doing nothing wrong. At all. I'll manage; it's okay." And just like that everything became silent once more as they turned their attention back to the movie they'd been watching. In reality though, Tony was too busy cursing at himself and Loki was too busy wishing he was a stronger person to really pay attention to the film.

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Somehow, Thor had managed to convince Loki to get coffee with him after his first exam was over on Monday. Something had changed and Thor wasn't complaining, but would be willing to bet money that it had something to do with whatever was going on with Tony Stark. They'd never come out and said they were officially a couple, but Thor could tell there was more than just friendship between them.

They approached the counter at the campus Starbucks and Thor gave the barista his order. When Loki gave his and she asked for his name, her eyes flew open.

"Loki? Loki Odinson?" She asked, surprised.

"Uh... yes?" Loki responded slowly, confused.

"Give me just a second." She disappeared to the back room for a moment and Loki shrugged at Thor's quizzical look. She emerged with a small envelope in hand. "Somebody dropped this off to be passed along to you. It's been here for almost a week; we weren't sure if it was some stupid joke or not..." She handed him the envelope and fixed up his order. He looked over the paper for some indication of who it was from, but the only thing on it was his name scrawled on the front in black marker. He opened it and pulled out the small note to read it.

His face paled and his mouth fell open slightly. The note dropped from his shaking hand and landed on the tile floor. Thor saw this as he grabbed both of their coffees from the counter. His eyes were drawn to the paper on the floor and he handed Loki his drink before picking it up to read what had his brother looking so obviously afraid.

_You should have finished the job._ He was only distracted from the black words by the razor blade taped to the paper just below.

"Loki?" He asked hesitantly.

"Let's go." Loki said, his voice lacking any inflection. They didn't speak the entire way back to Loki's dorm. Thor could feel the tension between them because he wanted to say something, he just didn't know what to say. Thor still had the note folded in his pocket when they arrived at Loki's door. Loki unlocked it and led his brother into the empty room; Tony must have still been in his exam. He quickly took off his coat and scarf, tossing them onto a chair, before walking to the kitchen and searching in the cupboards. He pulled out a bottle from Tony's newly replenished vodka collection, his hands still shaking violently.

"Thor, please leave." He breathed, fumbling to get the bottle opened.

"Loki, are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, Thor. I'm fine. I just need a drink. Get out." Thor didn't argue, but closed the door quietly behind him and pulled out his phone.

_"Yeah, this is Tony Stark. Obviously I'm not here now but leave a message, I might get back to you."_

"Tony. It's Thor. You don't need to call me back, but as soon as you're done with your exam you need to go back to your dorm. It's Loki. It's a long story, and I don't think he'll do anything stupid, but he refused to let me stay, so please... look after him okay?"


	30. Chapter 29

**Hopefully the end of this will at least begin to answer some of the questions some people have asked in reviews! I know it's been a while since the last update, but thanks so much for sticking around! **

**Chapter 29**

As soon as Tony got Thor's message he called Loki, his heart racing. _Please, please, please let him be okay..._ When he got no response, he ran back to his dorm, afraid of what he would find. He opened the door, surprised to see all the lights were turned on.

"Mmm, Anthony darling, is that you?" Loki's voice sang from the bedroom through the hallway.

"Yeah, Loki, it's me... you okay?" He called back, walking to their room.

"Never better," came the reply and something about it still worried Tony.

He got back to the bedroom and as soon as he crossed through the door, Loki threw himself into Tony's arms. He barely had time to react before he felt Loki's lips on his in a sloppy kiss before trailing down his jaw to his throat. Loki turned them around and walked forward, lightly pushing Tony back until his legs hit the edge of his bed and he stumbled back, pulling Loki on top of him. As Loki sucked kisses into his neck, Tony realized that he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Loki..."

"Shh, Tony, let me..." Loki hummed near Tony's cheek and he could smell the alcohol on his breath. He felt cool hands slip under his shirt and struggle to remove it before tossing it on the floor behind them. "I know you want this... I can feel it." Loki whispered just below his ear before turning his attention back to Tony's neck and continuing further down to his bare chest. _Great..._ Tony thought as he felt the obvious bulge in his pants come into contact with Loki's thigh.

"_God_... Loki." He all but moaned as Loki's hands brushed against the fastenings of his pants. This was a bad idea... no, this was _the worst_ idea ever, but then he felt the fabric being drawn away from his legs and he lost all resolve. He was lying in his bed in nothing but his boxers with Loki, half naked, on top of him and slowly grinding down against his erection. In a surprisingly graceful motion, he rolled them over so he was leaning over Loki, the other's dark hair fanned out against the sheets. He took in the sight below him, Loki's face slightly flushed from all the alcohol, his eyes flashed mischievously, and _yeah, ok... this can be a thing that happens._ Tony dipped his head down to nip at Loki's throat while his hands trailed down to remove the few remaining articles of clothing that separated the two of them.

Their underwear joined the rest of their clothes, discarded on the floor. Tony's hands disappeared for a moment and the breath that Loki let out was clearly one of relief but neither of them paid it any attention. They joined their lips together in a kiss which was only broken when Tony's hands returned to Loki. He gasped as he felt something slick trailing along his skin. A finger gently pushed inside him and he bit his lip hard, which Tony did not miss.

"Loki, is this okay? I mean… I was curious a while back so I looked up online how this works and well… this was what many people were talking about…" He trailed off, feeling slightly embarrassed at admitting his lack of knowledge in the area.

"Just do it." Loki breathed out impatiently.

Tony waited another moment, studying Loki's face before he complied. As the other man started working at him, Loki turned his head to the side and squeezed his eyes shut. His alcohol fogged mind began to drift back to that dark alley in the rain. _No, idiot this is nothing like that. This is Tony. _Tony_. And he's not going to hurt you_. But then he felt the stretch of a second finger and there was nothing else he could try to convince himself of. He whimpered softly and Tony glanced up and froze.

"We don't have to do this." He almost whispered, bringing Loki back to reality.

"Get on with it, Stark. Take me. Use me. Make me yours. That's what you want, isn't it?" Loki snarled at him. "Just. Fucking. Do it."

Tony pulled his fingers out of Loki and sat back to look at the other man. Loki's cheeks were flushed and his breathing had picked up pace. Everything about the way his body was responding told Tony that he was ready. Except the eyes. His eyes were wide and _frightful... _and that scared Tony. That _angered_ him. A thousand thoughts flew through his mind as he stared into Loki's eyes.

"I am not going to take advantage of you." He tried to say firmly, but even then his voice shook because he knew that was almost exactly what he had done. And he hated himself for it. "I am not going to do anything with you that you are not going to enjoy. Loki, I'm serious. I don't care how long it takes for you to actually feel okay with doing anything sexual... I _want_ to wait for you." His voice became steadier as he spoke and by the end, Loki's body had relaxed even though his eyes still held some doubt. Tony climbed off the bed to pull on a pair of underwear and sweatpants before crawling back to sit next to Loki on the bed. He reached onto the floor to pick up a blanket that had fallen off the bed from their movement earlier and he pulled it over Loki. The other man continued to stare at him. He gave a small smile before sliding down to rest his head on the pillow next to Loki's.

As Tony's breathing began to even out, Loki's mind was racing thinking about what had just happened. He still had his doubts, or... at least he thought he did. The way Tony had looked at him when he said he would wait... it scared him, but not in a bad way. He tentatively searched out Tony's hand with his and laced their fingers together. The others' hand squeezed his slightly before relaxing again and only with the warmth of Tony next to him was he able to get to sleep.

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Frigga was exhausted. The past few weeks had drained her mentally, emotionally, and physically as she drove back and forth between home and her sons' university, and going to a therapist with her husband. She made the drive every few days to meet up with Thor and hear how her youngest son was doing. Loki never had time to spend with her when she would visit, and she understood that; after missing as many classes as he had, she knew he had a lot to study and make up. She always made sure to see him though.

During the drive home, she mulled over what her eldest told her. It concerned her how much Loki did not want to press charges against this monster, but she didn't want to stress him out by discussing it and decided to wait till after his exams were through to bring it up again.

Then she thought about her husband and the therapy session they had the following day. They had come a long way so far, she thought. Odin had grown up in a very homophobic household, and only because of that, and the fact that he was trying to reconcile with Loki, would she forgive him for his lack of support.

There was something she could not wrap her head around though, and that was that whenever Loki's rapist was brought up around him, her husband would get jumpy and nervous, which was something so different than the calm and confident man she had always known. It was unsettling.

These thoughts kept her occupied until she pulled into their driveway. It was late and the house was dark, but as soon as she stepped inside, she could see the light flickering on their answering machine signaling that there were new messages. She hung her coat and scarf up in the closet before crossing the room to play the message. A slick voice she didn't recognize broke through the silence of her home.

"_Odinson, you've been avoiding my calls. How unlike you. I couldn't get a hold of you on your cell, so I looked up your home phone… you owe me, don't forget that. I said I would break him, and I did so you'd better keep up your end of the bargain. I'll give you till the end of the week."_

The machine clicked off and she realized her mouth had fallen open in shock. She wasn't completely sure, but she had a pretty good guess as to who had left the message. The front door opened as she hit "play" again. The way Odin's face blanched when he heard the voice was all the confirmation she needed as she ripped the machine from the wall and hurled it as hard as she could at the man standing opposite from her. Her heels crunched over the broken pieces of plastic on the floor as she shoved past him, grabbing only her coat and scarf on her way out the door, slamming it behind her.


End file.
